“I have been married to my wife for 15 years, all the years she has always been happy with everything in terms of intimacy, and for the last couple of years, she has fallen off the chain. She offers me some experiments all the time: either sex in unusual places, somewhere on the street, or she brought a bunch of rubber toys from a sex shop, what else was missing! And I'm 45 years old
I'm not ready to make love in the stairwell or somewhere else, we have a bed for this business in the bedroom. I try to explain to my wife, she does not understand, she takes offense. Recently I announced that I would bring a third one then, since I’m so old. What to do? How to convey to her the idea that without all these "little things," we are all right? I don't want to get divorced, I love her. " Vladimir, 45 years old
- Good afternoon, Vladimir! After so many years of married life, most likely your wife is bored. Everyday life, children, an established way of life - so there is a desire to shake things up, to try something new. On your part, opposing her desires is also a path to conflict. Try to find a compromise. No one is forcing you to make love in the back streets, and even more so - on the stairwells. Try to rent a room in a hotel or invite your beloved to take a good steam bath in the sauna "with continuation" - she probably just wants new sensations.
When it comes to toys, you should definitely have a serious talk with your spouse. Perhaps the idyll that you have seen for 15 years is not entirely realistic. Perhaps your wife lacks sensations in the process of your intimate life. That is why she is looking for new ways to have fun. Help her in this - in a calm atmosphere, talk to her about affection (what needs, in her opinion, to change, what to fix).
But about the "invited guest" in the matrimonial bed - for sure, in this way the spouse decided to cheer you up and draw attention to the fact that there is a problem in an intimate sense, and you stubbornly close your eyes to it. And her intentions are not serious. If you spoke "frankly" and it turned out that she really has such a need - think more than once before you compromise. In our society, the idea of sexual exclusivity still dominates: one partner is in one marriage, betrayal equals betrayal. Each pair has its own boundaries, this makes it a pair, creates "we". It is extremely easy to destroy such a fragile intimate space by the invasion of a third person.
Perhaps you just need to be more attentive to each other's desires. A big step towards resolving the issue will be a dialogue: find out why this particular way to diversify her personal life seems to her the most correct? Remember, in marriage, the trio ruins traditional family life.
