The Crisis In Family Relationships: When To Wait And How To Cope

The Crisis In Family Relationships: When To Wait And How To Cope
The Crisis In Family Relationships: When To Wait And How To Cope
Anonim
Image
Image

Psychologist Alena Al-As recalls that the most difficult periods are the first year, the third, the seventh and the fourteenth. The main thing is to be fully armed

The main task of many people - "to create a family and there will be happiness" - often breaks on the rocks of reality, the inability to seek compromises and agree on important, exciting, fundamental things before a ring sparkles on a finger. A family is not hard labor, where you constantly need to be with your eyebrows pulled together on the bridge of your nose from effort. This is an equal contribution of two, this is courtship (just not the bouquet-candy period, where a man pays his attention to a woman, but attitude after relationship). To make the home feel good, comfortable and calm. To make the two happy. So that there are no situations in which there are “two rams on a mountain road”. It is important to understand that absolutely every relationship goes through difficult stages and crises. The only difference is how a couple reacts to difficulties - someone escapes at the first difficulties, someone is looking for ways of an environmentally friendly solution that will not only glue what has begun to crack, but will also suit the two as much as possible. The most difficult periods in family relationships are the first year, third, seventh and fourteenth. It is during these periods that the couple is experiencing difficulties, and the desire to quickly resolve everything through divorce is great. In the first year of family life, the couple often conflicts, as the grinding stage takes place. Problems arise because of: - everyday life. It turns out that she does not like candy wrappers scattered throughout the house, his slovenliness, dirty socks under the bed. The husband sips his tea loudly, picks his teeth with a fork and eats with his hands from a frying pan. And, worst of all, he carries around this frying pan with a fork. From the outside it seems that these are all such trifles, but people who are accustomed to living in a certain way (throwing the wrapper immediately, eating from the plate, putting dirty laundry in the basket) are very hard to rebuild. If this is your problem, share household responsibilities, arrange fasting days (when both pigs are within their perception, and then they also do the cleaning together), let each other be imperfect; - high expectations. When a woman was waiting for a prince, and she got a plumber, and she decided "why not," then everyone will suffer, except for the prince who has not arrived. Because the hardest thing is to get out of your illusions and invented world and take a sober look at the situation, at your life, at your partner. If this problem touches you, look at your man soberly and ask yourself a few questions. “If I meet a millionaire in line for bread, will I leave my husband?”, “What positive traits does my partner have?”, “What cannot I put up with?”; - lack of feelings. When "the clock was ticking" and "all the girlfriends are already married, but what am I worse?" Scary things begin to happen in marriage. Because with candy wrappers and the fact that your husband is not a millionaire, you can get used to, find a way out and come to terms only if you love a man. And when a gentleman just turned up, who called to get married and it was a sin not to get out, and then it turned out that he was not perfect. Everything, life will be hell. If you understand that you really do not love your spouse and, moreover, do not experience any warm feelings, respect, sympathy, if you feel bad, painful and disgusting around, then this relationship must be ended. The next crisis stage is the 3rd anniversary of the family. Often, the relationship by this time is stable, calm, no one throws candy wrappers. Relationships develop and, at the same time, new reasons for conflicts appear: - usually by this time the couple comes in their arms with a child. A woman gives all her strength to the baby, gets tired, fights for a free moment for herself and tries to remain a beloved and desired woman for her husband. It does not always work out, especially if the husband has overestimated requirements and zero aspirations to share responsibilities. The solution is on the surface: for a man to be maximally involved in the child's life, in caring for him, and a woman not to play a heroine who can cope on her own; - problems in sex life. It becomes boring, insipid, not before. The whole extravaganza of the first years disappears, basic needs, like sleep, come to the fore. For example, if earlier you could neglect sleep and your rest for the sake of a hot night, now going to bed does not seem like such a bad idea. If you understand that this is the problem, do not be afraid to diversify your sex life and offer, talk, share your impressions, shake off the dust of obligations; - financial disputes. You have to spend money on the needs of the family, deny yourself something, pay off loans / mortgages, which greatly affect the psychological stability of a person. If this is the problem of your family, then it is worth tightening up financial literacy and responsibility (piggy banks, deposits, lists, and not sudden purchases "wanted"). A rethinking of life, new priorities and values, an internal crisis of personality - all this is included in the next crisis of the family, which occurs in the 7th year of life together. Most often, a couple is faced with one big problem - this is not understanding what to do next. The child went to school, he does not want a second or there is no opportunity, his career is stable, all disputes and quarrels have been settled, financially everything is also in order. Often this crisis is called among the people by the simple expression "what was missing?" And there is not enough emotion and understanding of what to do next. Goals and motivation are missing. There is not enough attention from the partner and I want to be interesting and desirable not only for him / her, but also to “get” the missing emotions from others. Often there is nostalgia for the premarital life and the feeling that everything was good and fun there, and now boredom is deadly. It is necessary to solve this problem comprehensively and gradually: pay attention to yourself and the relationship, arrange a second honeymoon and pay even more attention to your partner, because this is what, light zest and madness, is lacking at this stage of the relationship. The fourteenth year of family relationships can be described as "friendship with a wife / husband." The children have grown up, but they still need parents, who have just now begun to disagree in their views on upbringing (children are adolescents, and each parent has his own view of the relationship with the child in this difficult period), further education. Intimate life has faded into the background and everything that is is more of a conjugal duty than a desire and need. Partners feel more like buddies and good friends than a couple, and therefore become distant from each other due to imbalances in the understanding of the relationship. It is during this period that you can fall in love with your partner anew: turn back to the past years, remember the most valuable and important thing that happened, thank you for a strong shoulder or reliable rear. Go on a trip together, kiss after work or in the morning, and let the children decide for themselves where to study and how to live. Resolving family crises is not an easy task and it is important to understand that one person cannot do everything to ensure that there is love, peace and harmony in the family. Before breaking off the relationship, both should try to do everything in their power to save this relationship and not to doubt for the rest of their lives about a hasty decision. To break is not to build. Maybe take your time?

Recommended: