An unsuccessful word can ruin the dialogue, an unsuccessful proposal can ruin the first date. The residents of Kaliningrad told "Klops" what rules they follow when making acquaintances on the Internet and what mistakes should be avoided.
Where are they meeting now?
Julia considers herself a frequenter of dating services. For several years now, she has been using such applications because "it is more convenient and safer." According to the girl, there is a fundamental difference between popular platforms.
Dating "Mail.ru" and "Mamba" now, in my opinion, one service. If you start a profile in one application, then registration on the second one occurs automatically. For women and men over forty years old, such applications will be good, and for young people - a shame and the stigma of "preoccupied", - the city dweller believes.
The girl noticed a general tendency: pensioners on "[email protected]" (18+) and "Mamba" (18+) like to put "24-25 years old" instead of the real age, and the photos are often fake. There are not many young guys there, most of them are looking for "easy, casual leisure".
The most common option is to offer a young girl sex for five thousand. Rubles, dollars or euros - depends on your imagination. Basically, they are looking for a girl for the night. Younger guys are extremely illiterate, vulgar and obsessive."
Young people migrated to Tinder (18+) and Badoo (18+), says Julia, in order to meet people of their own age. In addition, dating platforms have come up with a simpler interface - swipes - and supplemented everything with naughty stickers. There are also disadvantages:
They are not very convenient due to the need for a paid subscription. Do you want to see all users at once? Pay. Press the wrong button and want to cancel? Pay again. But no messages from annoying perverts: if you do not like someone, you scroll through - and he cannot write to you."
Another Kaliningrad woman, Tatiana, was in dating apps about six years ago. Now I decided to try my luck again.
Then on "Dating" there were no worried grandfathers, I talked with normal and decent guys. Now they write to me perverts everywhere, although I have a photo with a dog and a selfie from a cafe on my page."
Several times a Kaliningrad woman noticed children who register in the application and put the age of 18+. Administrators are not actively monitoring this.
Some kid is writing to me, a thirty-year-old lady. With mistakes, it's all about sex. I was shocked! I was frightened by the fact that I know his mother - I immediately left, "Tatiana laughs.
Tinder and Badoo "at least have a choice," she said. She liked the interface of the first service more, since she did not need to respond to messages that were not initially interested in strangers.
What mistakes do users of dating apps make?
1. Upload sexy photos
Any proposal of an intimate nature, says Yulia, is a fat cross on further dialogue."
Dirty jokes, praise for bulges, talk about sexuality and some kind of energy, "- the townswoman calls this a typical mistake trying to get to know each other.
It is easy to calculate such guys: these are photographs of "cubes", a torso, a half-naked body in principle. More often than not, these guys just want fun for one night, or they are very narcissistic."
Artyom from Kaliningrad is also sure that uploading photos in swimsuits and underwear is the height of bad taste and vulgarity.
First, who wants your girlfriend to look at everything like this? Secondly, why can't you upload a good photo in clothes or a selfie? As if there is nothing more to brag about, "says the young man.
The guy tells how he tried several times to communicate with girls in beach uniforms, but did not get any pleasure from this - all the time it seemed that they corresponded with all the men at once.
This does not mean that the girl is bad. It's just that such questionnaires have already become the personification of all the myths at once. Here you are stupid, and vulgar, and a jerk."
A resident of Svetlogorsk Marina does not consider the image of a naked body a sin. She noticed that profiles with such photos are becoming more popular faster because they "create a certain image of a person."
Heaps of lights on Badu, Tinder is all in the likes. In fact, they did not write anything serious to me. Out of ten answers, three or four were consistently about sex. One man, when I refused, wrote on the forehead: "What did you want? You put your chest out," the girl says that this is still a cultural answer.
2. Don't think through the first date
Many Kaliningraders call this stage of acquaintance one of the most important for the transition from the virtual world to the real one.
If you are invited for coffee, it means that you have agreed at the very least in interests and tastes. Coffee is a non-binding gesture, "says Marina.
Julia also finds a test date useful. And if someone is afraid of getting stuck in an uninteresting company, you can cheat and stipulate the duration of the walk in advance: warn about important matters, work or relatives who are waiting at home.
If in half an hour the interlocutor got you, then you just remind and leave. After the first walk, it's silly to wait for painting, marriage and children. And even if a guy before saying goodbye says that it would be great to walk again, it still doesn't mean anything, "the girl believes that a couple of polite words are just part of etiquette.
Going for a light lunch is the best option, says Roman. In dating apps, this sentence serves as a kind of indicator.
A friend of mine often complained that the girls from Tinder didn't go out with him. When I found out that he was calling them to the sea or to walk in the parks, everything became clear. No one will wander in the heat or cold."
The townspeople agree that it is not worth pinning great hopes on the first meeting. It is better not to invite a partner to extreme sports or to your home - users are also skeptical about such offers.
3. Start talking about money
Salary talk, like premature budgeting, is considered indecent even on the Internet. Both men and women agree here.
When a girl starts asking me about the size of her salary, I prefer not to talk to her anymore. Only me or my family should be worried about it ", - Artyom thinks that in the network many ladies become too relaxed.
Even at a meeting for coffee, men and women sometimes look differently: misunderstanding arises because of who should pay. Julia recalls how one day she came across a guy who did not want to treat her companion. "Why do we need to go anywhere at all? I have to see you, consider and understand if it is possible to take you somewhere, spend my money on you," the boyfriend said. The Kaliningrad woman was surprised at this attitude and asked not to compare her with a thing, which is why the guy began to argue even more actively. The end of the walk for Julia was a ruin.
We walked along the quiet streets behind the Plaza. At about eleven in the evening, he asked me how I was going to go home. She said that by taxi, because the buses no longer run. A car arrives in a couple of minutes. I go to open the door, and he suddenly blurts out: "This is actually my taxi!"
The young man left, leaving the girl alone on the street. Yulia assumes that the young man felt ashamed and nevertheless transferred money to her for the trip, but only after the screenshot from the application - exactly 117 rubles.
I understand everything: there are guys who are bad with money, students, or simply tight-fisted by nature. But if you yourself invite a girl to the first date, understand that you will not feed on the holy spirit,”says Yulia.
4. Use "bunnies and babies" in speech
Valeria closes dialogues when she sees mate or attempts to give nicknames, albeit affectionate.
Familiarity in Tinder is everywhere and always. When "hey, pretty" or "hello, baby" flies to you, it's disgusting for me - a stranger pretends to know each other for a thousand years."
Once she met Stepan. The Kaliningrad woman liked the guy, but did not progress further than acquaintance - the young man wanted to impress using rudeness.
He spoke like some kind of gopnik. Through a word - checkmate, after two - phrases evaluating my figure. I asked him to change his tone, and then I thought: why bother, if he basically behaves like that."
Valera has been looking for a girl on Tinder for a year now. Most of all it annoys him when the interlocutors overdo it with diminutives.
This is not conducive to dialogue. I'm just starting to think that the girl is not all right with her head. We're not friends to talk like that. It is also amazing when they immediately offer me something illegal, "- the young man recalls how he was once called to smoke a joint.
Roman believes that such appeals are an important signal. One day he met a girl who called him "bunny".
There were too many of these "bunnies", she began to constantly ask where I disappeared and what I was doing now. When we got together, she started abusing me hard."
Due to the coronavirus pandemic, Russians are spending more on dating sites.