I Was A Swindler And A Rogue: Confession Of A Muscovite Whose Job Is To Be Friends And Punish For Money

I Was A Swindler And A Rogue: Confession Of A Muscovite Whose Job Is To Be Friends And Punish For Money
I Was A Swindler And A Rogue: Confession Of A Muscovite Whose Job Is To Be Friends And Punish For Money

Video: I Was A Swindler And A Rogue: Confession Of A Muscovite Whose Job Is To Be Friends And Punish For Money

Video: I Was A Swindler And A Rogue: Confession Of A Muscovite Whose Job Is To Be Friends And Punish For Money
Video: My Friends Need To Be Punished 2024, March
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Musa writes in his questionnaire: “It is useful to be friends, any Ministry of Health will warn you. Friendship can be bought - any British scientists will prove it to you. But there is good news: 190 centimeters and 93 kilograms. That is, if anyone wants to walk in heels, it’s easy with me”. Musa does not hide: he is a friend for an hour, offering communication for money. How did it happen? Who threatened to kill him? How did he end up in a concentration camp? What do men want in winter? Musa told about all this to the observer MOSLENTA, who in places was speechless and, it seems, his reason, because much of what he heard could hardly fit into the framework of rules and decency.

No misters"? Come on immediately to "you"! My name is Musa. This is my real name (do you want me to show you my passport?), Although it is borrowed. Received as a result of the adoption of Islam in 2018 and in general a long way to oneself. Let's talk about the path now, ok?

"I am a Trouble Maker"

I am a professional troubleshooter. Do you know what it is? No? This is a cyber bully, a person who does bad things to bad people. Everyone - you, me, everyone - has bitches, creatures around, those who are trying to defile everything. They prevent good people from living. Someone takes money and does not return it. Someone stole a girlfriend from someone. Someone has a rotten boss. And good people love because of cowardice, or weakness, or because of their upbringing, they cannot take revenge, although they often think: "You are dead!" And then I come to their aid - the same mercenary who can make their dreams come true for normal money.

Violence? Of course not! But I can cause serious damage to my reputation, cause financial damage at a fairly fundamental level, I can ruin a business, ruin a family, and much more. I have a lot of experience in this business.

How did I get involved in all this? The secret is this: before, even under Yeltsin, I was a very bad boy. Gadom. And it was fun, it was sweet and sweet, how sweet it is for a pig to wallow in the mud. In addition, it brought a good income.

I lived a cheat, a rogue, a burnout, a rogue, cheating suckers

And suddenly - once! - and the thought hits on the head: "Why the fuck am I even living?" And then a little more time passes, and you yourself begin to hunt for scammers, burnouts and rogues - such as you, in order to become better and cleaner, to pay off, so that your conscience does not torment you so much. And you already make money on this.

I was a confidant of the operatives from the UBEP, because I was good at dealing with economic fraudsters. I was like Hannibal Lecter, like Dexter, that is, like a maniac who catches other maniacs, because to catch a fish you have to think like a fish. I participated in an interesting business, the purpose of which was to bring one Moscow pedophile to the surface and collect a certain evidence base for him. I am very proud of this.

UBEP employees Photo: Vladimir Vyatkin / RIA Novosti

But these are, of course, not budget-forming projects. I earned for others. For example, for a lot of money, I dismissed a couple of people from the management of two TV channels. He put his hand to the case about "Gravikol-21" - biologically active dietary supplements, but in fact - about a terrible deception and siphoning money from old men and women. We then trolled and hounded the whole company, first - ordering dietary supplements for non-existent addresses, then connected modems to auto-dialing, thereby extinguishing the call center of these crooks, and so on. Many people joined this movement, including the simplest people, because it was a godly thing.

There was a lot. And there were threats - for example, when we tried to extinguish those who were engaged in toxic collection on the network.

“I can give the joy of communication. Even if for money"

I've been doing this for a long time. And then smoothly flowed into a completely different field of activity - friendship for money. For what? To balance the senses. In troubleshooting, I played a warrior, but after all, any person wants to be good as well. And friendship is always good, because because the main trouble of our time is total loneliness. We are all alone. Yes, we have work colleagues, fellow travelers, relatives, families. But even in a family a person is often lonely, about which Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, King Lear, or The Merchant of Venice. Someone escapes from this loneliness to music, someone to b..vo, someone to drugs, someone to drunkenness, someone to business, but it is worth stopping a bit and thinking how loneliness rolls over again.

People need communication, they need the opportunity to dissolve in each other even for a short time, to communicate. I know this for myself: from my childhood and adolescence friends, no one is left in my environment - some have left, some have not, but in any case, we have nothing to talk about for a long time. But I can give the joy of communication to others. Albeit for money.

"Be Intellectual and Fuck"

Certain skills are required in any profession. Mine is no exception. To be a professional friend for an hour, you need Perhaps this sounds corny, but in this matter you need to be a patriot of life, that is, love it in all its manifestations, have a good appetite for everything - for women, for cycling, for everything beautiful, and also to everyday bestiality, to be a sincere bastard, ready to fly up to the skies and sink to the very bottom, that is, to be able to move from one state of aggregation to another. You have to be flexible. You need to be eloquent and have a rich vocabulary, which is not a problem for me either: I graduated from the Faculty of Philology of Moscow State University, I was madly in love with books, I adored putting letters into words, words into sentences, sentences in history. You need to have developed social skills. Be an intellectual. To be able to fuck well How, why to fuck ?! To have a rich, so to speak, showcase. Clients feel it well, they are attracted by it, which means that it expands the audience of my potential customers at the expense of more fastidious people. And they pay more, which is profitable - I am still in business.

Photo: provided by the hero of the publication

Stress tolerance? I will say this: I still feel the customer in, so to speak, flying orbits, that is, I understand in advance whether there may be consequences after communicating with him or not. To clarify, there are three pillars on which my business is based: a) I should like the customer, b) I should like the order itself, and c) I should like the amount. If at least two of these points coincide, I agree to communicate, if not, then I will be more whole. And send people to hell. That is, I do not grab onto everything, because there are people who are initially toxic, there are bestial, there are simply perverts. I have enough adventure without it.

“I get paid to be sincere and involved”

What do I get paid for? First of all, for sincerity and involvement, for the maximum number of points of contact. But! There is a famous scene from the movie "Pretty Woman", where the heroine-prostitute is instructed by her experienced friend and says that one of the most important rules is not to kiss the client on the lips, because this is the last, final stage of involvement, blurring the boundaries and turning the work into a personal one. … I have similar rules

However, female and male involvement are completely different things, they are based on completely different logic.

My friendship for money is, rather, something akin to kinship, it is with the help of it that I become for a woman, as it were, my own. But here it is important to take into account the peculiarities of the moment. I tell you: initially with the person who chooses me, we discuss the length of the process, the scenario of our relationship. It may just be a pass-through option, in which it is enough to chat on the phone. For example, someone drank and felt sad. He just wants to get worn out. Such friendship is like walking ankle-deep into a warm sea. This is insignificant garbage, a kind of fast food, and does not require any involvement from me. But it brings little money either.

The next level of communication is face-to-face meetings. The girls want to have a little party for themselves. For example, go to the cinema with me, because sometimes, you will not believe, a person has no one to do it corny with. There is no one to hold the hand in the theater, no one to discuss what he saw, to speculate what the director wanted to say.

Another level is joint performances. That is, a person has some kind of scene in his head, from which he ends up with a rainbow and which he wants to implement in real life, so that later, until the end of his days, he will remember. And then we talk in detail about all the moments - what to wear, what the weather should be outside the window, what words will be pronounced, what intonations, where to take the hand, and where to hug, where to speak, and where to remain silent, that is, everything, everything, everything. … You need to be able to do this. Here you need to connect psychology so that a person gets exactly what he needs.

What does friendship have to do with it? Given that each of us has things that can only be entrusted to a friend. And if there is no such friend? Or there is, but you will not entrust everything to him, because after that you can lose your friend. This is not even about shame, but about a very personal one that can only be told to a borrowed friend, from the outside, who looks like a random temporary fellow traveler on the train, with whom you can have a warm and sincere chat and - part. Or, if there is a desire, to prolong this relationship.

Well, and quite already the peak - these are damn perverts. They pay the most, they recommend and pass me on to their friends, like they pass on a good manicurist or a good hairdresser, jeweler, and so on. But with them, of course, and the hardest.

"But there are perverts …"

I'd better tell you a few cases - tragic and comical, to make it clearer how my work looks at the everyday level.

Photo: Globallookpress.com

I'll start with Let's start with the most banal. Once a girl in her 30s called me to her birthday. “You look cool,” she told me. "But, most importantly, you are a copy of my ex, with whom I was doing well, but it has ceased." It happens. Relationships are often mocked, and now you already understand that next to you lies a completely stranger to you, whom you loved to madness yesterday. Everything! But there remain unclosed gestalts - something unsaid, unfinished. This was just the case. And here I am at her house. We sit, eat, she drinks wine, I - grape juice, because I don't drink alcohol at all. And towards the end, she says, "Now close your eyes." And so affectionately runs his palm over my eyes. "Begins!" - I think. I raise my head, slightly stretch my lips, anticipating kisses and hugs and realizing that I can hardly take an additional fee for this. And then reality literally explodes! A cake flies in my face. And the girl squeals: "What a thrill!" And it glows with sincere happiness. And smears a sweet mess all over me. Gestalt is closed. She doesn't even apologize because who am I? Hired friend. But I still respect this man for his invention.

But this is a trivial example, absolute casual. But there are perversions. I'll tell you about this option. The cutest Jewish girl with a six-pointed star on a chain. Miniature, neat, ballet. But she got injured and did something else. With fiction. Clever, sexy to the extreme. Came to me on the recommendation. What she wanted was for me to travel with her to some European countries, including Germany and Poland. Is it trite? It is also trite. But what is the order itself, which was spoken to me separately: by the long-cooled stove of one of the concentration camps, having paid a certain amount to the rangers to let us in at an inopportune time, she wanted to deal with me … well … you understand.

"Winter is time for men"

My clients are seasonal. Winter is a time for men. They are different.

Once I got a call from a man - intelligent, very well-mannered, middle-aged and you can hear from his voice that he was a thoroughbred. He just needed communication, just a good listener from the outside. He was a very generous person who paid a lot and got in touch systematically, about once every five or six days, he liked to speak in monologues, talked a lot about his life, that he was going to get married, then that he got married, and then three or four months passed after his marriage, and I realized that something was happening to him. In the middle of a conversation, he suddenly fell into a trance, during which, like a mantra, he repeated only one phrase: "My wife is not a man, my wife is not a man, my wife is not a man." This happened more and more often and lasted 15-20 minutes. He said that he started taking some kind of drugs. And suddenly I find out that this man committed suicide somewhere in Europe

Photo: provided by the hero of the publication

We were not friends, he was just a client for me, but we had a mutual understanding, we were on the right wavelength with each other, he shared with me what he could not share with his three children from his first marriage, with his friends, his wife A tragic moment.

Let's get back to seasonality. So why is winter? Because in winter men drink harder. Because look out the window now. What is there? Gray gloom, people in black clothes, slush underfoot. And I want to leave the house, relax, talk, chat. The female rut begins in the spring. Everything blooms, women also bloom, change their tired jeans for dresses, do epilation and - their soul unfolds, like Popandopulo in "Wedding in Malinovka". They want to chat about anything, dance, feed ducks and squirrels in the park - which, by the way, is a very popular service.

Politics? Recently, everyone loves to talk about politics, but almost no one understands it, so they only mumble other people's phrases. What am I? I have to maintain the conversation, however, trying to add more "raisins" to it, and not just mutter that this fool is also a fool. It's boring! Therefore, I start talking about the Russian soul. I remind you: “There is such a song -“Hello, Russian field, I am your thin spikelet””. I present claims to the authors: “Why do they belittle the Russian people so much? Why is the spikelet thin? Why is he a spikelet and not an ear? Or not even a colossus, damn it? " And that's all. The conversation immediately goes far away from politics.

"Professional deformation? Even some!"

I've been doing all of this for eight years now. Professional deformation? Even some! I don’t want to go into details, but some clients put me on their fantasies. Loss of faith in selfless friendship? Oh no! Don't mix a penis with a tram handle! Personal life is personal life, work is work. And that suits me perfectly. If it were not for moral satisfaction, I would definitely not be doing all this, I can afford it.

Do you condemn? Have right. But I do not deceive anyone, I am sincere with each of my clients, I bring joy to people, and therefore my business is honest. Let's stop at this, perhaps.

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