"Divorce. How To Survive After Parting, Not Out Of Mind. " Excerpts From The Book By Natalia Krasnova

"Divorce. How To Survive After Parting, Not Out Of Mind. " Excerpts From The Book By Natalia Krasnova
"Divorce. How To Survive After Parting, Not Out Of Mind. " Excerpts From The Book By Natalia Krasnova

Video: "Divorce. How To Survive After Parting, Not Out Of Mind. " Excerpts From The Book By Natalia Krasnova

Video: "Divorce. How To Survive After Parting, Not Out Of Mind. " Excerpts From The Book By Natalia Krasnova
Video: Surviving Divorce: David Sbarra at TEDxTucson 2012 2024, March
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Divorce is a word that takes every woman to the emotional and physical bottom. How to survive betrayal and start life from scratch? Especially for the readers of Antenna Daily, the AST publishing house has shared unique fragments from the new book by Natalia Krasnova, who will tell her story of a difficult relationship, a painful separation and a search for new happy meanings.

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“My name is Natasha Krasnova, I am 40 years old. I am a popular stand-up comedian, author of the bestselling books "The Forces" and "1000 and 1 Day Without Sex," a millionaire blogger, the sexiest woman in Russia according to the readers of Maxim magazine, and many other "most". But at the same time, I am periodically easily cling to the shameful stigma - "a divorcee with a trailer." Even with two trailers."

About myths. "A divorced woman is a second-class woman!"

Women continue to cry and grieve after the divorce, cling to the heels of the leaving husband and agree to any role in the play “Former Husband and a Real Fool”. “I gave him the best years of my life” - every woman said such words to her ex at least once. Or she didn’t speak aloud, but caught myself on a treacherous thought.

If you think so, you will never unhook your ex-husband! So what scares you?

A husband will not leave a good wife.

They throw everyone. And good, and bad, and beautiful, and smart, and rich, and interesting. Sometimes a woman finds herself in the status of a divorcee not because she is “bad”, but because her husband is a fool.

If you couldn't save one family, you can't save the second either.

Who knows. Having gone through two marriages: official and civil, I can say this: indeed, having divorces behind you, it is much easier to get out of a sick relationship. But for a healthy relationship, I will cling to, like dried buckwheat on the edges of a saucepan. Just believe it!

There are fewer men than women, so it will be difficult to get married again.

These data on the demographic situation in the world were obtained in the post-war years, and they are still used as an argument to scare a Russian woman. And now a Russian woman is sitting in a bad marriage, because she truly believes that there are about 37 men, like the Amur tigers, left in the world.

The good news is that more boys are born than girls in the world. In China, for example, in 1979 a law was introduced to regulate population growth. The Chinese did not want to pay the tax, so they settled on one child in the family - a boy! Now, 40 years after the adoption of this wonderful law, getting married in China is not a problem at all - there are plenty of men.

Therefore, if it is so important for you not to die alone, go to China. There is a sale of husbands. SALE!

Divorce and children

Children are something in common with your ex-husband that will not disappear after a divorce and will remind you of what happened every day. I have two sons from my first marriage. I love them, parental love is a strong feeling.

And now I turn to divorced women:

Don't sacrifice your life for the child. As heroic as it may sound, there is little heroism in this situation. I have seen such women who cry in tears to their adult child: “I lived for you! I didn’t date anyone to be yours! And you decided to leave home at thirty! I gave you my whole life, and you. And an adult man feels like a little child again, who is as bad as possible. Live for yourself and take care of the child. It's hard, I know. But it's better for a child, believe me.

Do not forbid the child to see the father. The task of the father is socialization, that is, the introduction of other people into the world, the designation of the framework and boundaries of behavior, decency. Over time, former wives cool down and are no longer so jealous of the communication between father and child. And this is good! Even if you are now in the TRAFFIC stage and are manipulating your child to torment or return your ex, you will soon calm down, believe me. Well, if, of course, you get to the final stage.

Do not force the father to see the child. Violence hasn't done anything good yet. If you are worried that your son does not see an example of male behavior in front of him, send the boy to a section where a male coach will show by his own example how to behave like a man.

What helps to survive a divorce?

The East and “forgiveness of the ex-husband” is a delicate thing. I have tried several methods on myself. Some of them are really helpful.

Burn your ex-husband.

In some psychological book, the authors advised not to forgive, but simply to "burn and dispel the memories of my ex-husband." I packed his things, but it didn't work out, because my laziness turned out to be stronger than my hatred. The things were lying on the balcony until a team of craftsmen came to the apartment to redo the floor: "Mistress, are there unnecessary rags to wipe the dirt"? - I trotted to the balcony and solemnly carried out all the junk.

The method is suitable, for a day a state of a sort of mild euphoria sets in.

Plant a tree.

“To forgive your ex after a painful breakup, go to the cemetery and plant a tree. Cast the spell three times and leave without looking. The tree will grow, as will your gratitude for all the good that he has done to you."

After this advice, read in a book on white magic, I perked up. But already on the market I realized that the idea was a frank failure and that I couldn't even carry a wood sampler to my house on my own, so I would have to choose something smaller. In short, I brought home an onion.

Maybe I watered heavily, or maybe I mentally refused to forgive my ex-husband, but the onion began to rot. Once again, my mother came and, seeing the onion rotting near the refrigerator, loudly said: "Will you still endure this shit in your apartment for a long time?"

Paradoxically, this is exactly the phrase she said a few years ago about my ex-husband. The bow was sent to the trash the same evening.

Consider that your ex is dead.

I found somewhere a photo of my ex-husband, with a marker I drew a black ribbon in the lower right corner. Confused only by the fact that there were four people in the photo: my faithful and three more of his alcoholic friends. In my mind, I was angry with them too, so I decided that they, too, deserve this fate. By the way, all four are still alive and well and even married. I carefully put the “memorial” photo on the table, poured a glass of water (there was no vodka at home) and put the “Petushok” candy on top. Then she thought a little and put three more "Petushok" candies next to her. All day I mysteriously walked around the apartment in a black sundress and sometimes glanced at the photo and four "Petushki". Every time she smiled pretty. By the evening I got scared, and I removed this entire installation.

What does not help to survive the divorce!

Dot.

"I have to call him and put an end to the relationship." One more? How long to? You already called him yesterday and put a point, and before that, one more point. Stop it! You not only dishonor yourself, but you also do not allow yourself to live on.

Romanticizing the former.

Your ex-husband certainly had positive qualities. But I beg you, stop clinging to them! Better do this. Write down on a piece of paper in a column all those qualities that you still value in it. And next, be sure to add the real state of affairs. What these positive qualities usually turned into throughout family life:

- Yes, he was so generous. So generous that he could give away all the family money to friends!

- Yes, he was so sociable. So sociable that he slept with your girlfriend!

Hope.

"This is not the end, he will definitely return, remember how he loved you, he just needs time." NO! This is bad hope. It drags you in like a swamp, envelops you, flows into your ears, obscures your eyes.

The best way to survive divorce is to live! As it turns out. Divorce is not the end of life. This is part of life, one of the stages of growing up. It must be experienced.

In 2018, 583,942 divorces were registered in Russia. Imagine, more than half a million women have somehow survived a divorce. Half a million women did it. And we can handle it too!

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