FROM EXTREME TO EXTREME
Lyudmila, 26 years old, Kaluga
- Doctor, I have a question about intimate life. It is already the second year that I have been married. Everything seems to be normal, sex is regular, but there is no complete harmony.
- What do you mean by harmony? What specific problems do you have?
- I do not achieve orgasm during intimacy. Probably, this time is not enough for me: 5-6 minutes, and that's it - he ends up.
- But this is an absolutely normal duration of sexual intercourse!
- You know, before marriage, I met with another man, so there were acts with him for half an hour and even longer
- But this is just abnormal! If intercourse lasts more than 20 minutes, this is a deviation, a delay in ejaculation, which can be associated with various diseases. Such prolonged intercourse does not lead to harmony, but to discomfort - for both men and women.
- That's how it turns out for me, from one extreme to another. To be honest, with that young man sometimes there was such a feeling - it would be more likely to finish everything, turn to the wall and sleep. Or even get up, get dressed and leave. With him, the intimacy was too long, exhausting to the limit. And now, with my husband, too fast. I even felt sorry for myself - I seem to be married, but I am getting less money!
- Lyudmila, let's clarify, what are you missing? Orgasm is completely absent or does it happen at least sometimes?
- No, it happens, of course, my husband works on it, after intimacy he continues to stimulate me in every way until I finish. But I would like it to happen normally, within the limits of sexual intercourse, together with her husband.
- Why do you think that something is abnormal with you? Many married couples live according to this scenario, this is not a pathology at all, but, on the contrary, the norm. Simultaneous orgasm is a myth. In life, this practically does not happen: one of the partners experiences relaxation earlier, the other later. The main thing is that both know this and know how to satisfy each other. So your “problem” is not a problem at all! And I conclude that both "patients" are healthy - you and your husband.
- And in what case is ejaculation considered premature?
- When intercourse lasts less than a minute or ejaculation occurs immediately after insertion. And five to six minutes, I repeat, is the absolute norm.
- Well, I would just a little longer A little bit missing!
- And “a little bit” is not due to the immediate proximity, but due to the foreplay it is easy to solve. How are you doing with this? How much time is given to foreplay?
- Few. The husband is always in a hurry - let's get down to business as soon as possible, why are these extra movements? Maybe they are superfluous for him, but I need something. And he does not need any innovations, no variety. And, you know, this has its own plus: for a year and a half, he was never caught in some kind of outside flirting. He doesn't need it. In general, he is a career military officer, an officer. And in sex - as in the service: lay down at attention, did everything that was supposed to be done - and everything was OK. He has no more questions, and there shouldn't be any questions for him.
- So he is a formalist. There is this type of men: both in life and in sex, they do everything clearly, "as expected." But any formalist, especially if he loves a partner, lends itself to reforging. It is quite possible to set it up for foreplay. Approach this specifically, in a military way, in a language that he understands. Conduct explanatory work, practical exercises, training. By the way, let him read our newspaper, we write regularly about the need for a prelude.
- We're reading, doctor! Sometimes I specially for him on the bedside table "S.-I." leave.
- That's right.
- And then, he, too, probably had other women before you. And from them some stereotypes of behavior remained.
- You know, it somehow happened that all the previous girlfriends were virgins.I even laugh: how did you manage, where did you collect them at all? You must be a pervert, what's the fun with them? They squeeze, twitch, yell, while you are the same And, apparently, he has such a stereotype with them - to start and finish quickly.
- It is not excluded.
- Well, I came across such a specialist in chorus girls. And with me he went crazy with happiness, lost his head. Because I was relaxed in sex. And she took him into circulation: he was the slave, I was the leader. He himself admitted that he had never had such a superwoman before me. Maybe this makes him very aroused and ends up quickly?
- Quite possible. Now you want to switch roles so that he is more active?
- Yeah, that would be nice.
- Well, the goal is quite achievable. Do the work with him, as I said. Moreover, you are in his authority, with those "choruses", in general, he did not really understand something, and it was with you that his formation as a man took place.
- Yes, and another question, doctor. The fact is that I am an early bird, and my husband is an owl. I ought to make love early in the morning, but he is more active in the evening, when I’m already cut down. Probably, due to this, I "slow down": in the morning you have to work with me for 5 minutes, and at night - and half an hour is not enough.
- This is a common phenomenon: many couples live like this, at different time poles. True, more often it happens the other way around: a man is more active in the morning, and a woman is more active in the evening. This is due to hormonal surges. But one way or another, it is easy to adapt to this, to find a middle ground. You can alternate: once in the morning, once in the evening. Adapt to each other.
- Doctor, thanks for taking the time and explaining everything so well. I will try to persuade my husband to call you too - can I?
- Sure. It is not only possible, but also necessary. Let him ring.
- He actually thinks that everything is normal with him.
- He thinks correctly. As I say, you don't have any major problem. He just needs to work on himself a little, change his style of behavior.
- Thank you! No problem - and thank God. Will be working.
- Good luck!