For some reason, many girls, having barely received the status of a legal spouse, consider it their duty to "guide the less successful single girlfriends on the right path", believing that they cannot cope without their advice. Passion.ru talked with psychologists and found out what phrases you shouldn't say in the presence of bachelors, if, of course, you want to maintain friendly relations with them.
“Don't you think to have children? Look, the clock is ticking"
Firstly, it is even indecent to remind a lady of her age and call for something to which she, perhaps, has not yet matured psychologically. And the birth of children, you must agree, is a very crucial moment for which you need to prepare, weighing all the pros and cons (unless, of course, we are not talking about an "accidental" pregnancy, when it remains to accept this fact, regardless of whether you are ready to this morally or not). And secondly, due to physiological characteristics or health problems, a woman may simply not have such an opportunity and reminding her once again about this is simply unforgivable on your part. There is another option that your lonely friend, perhaps, would be glad to have a child, but, alas, on the horizon is not that there are no worthy ones, but there are no gentlemen at all. And how can she then be in this case? And with your tactless questions, you add fuel to the fire even more, dooming it to suffering.
“When is your wedding? Something you are behind schedule"
Even if at one time you made promises to each other that you would get married on the same day and almost simultaneously give your husbands heirs, this does not mean that your friend should at all costs bring this to life. Perhaps you were more fortunate, and you met the "very" man with whom you would like to grow old together, but she realized that she did not want to tie the knot yet and was headlong into her career. After all, not all single people dream of family life, and this is a fact. Or, again, maybe she would be glad to follow your example, but next to her there is no worthy candidate who could be considered for the role of husband. And those that are - will fit only for easy novels, no more. And even if, lo and behold, your friend has a serious relationship, you should not embarrass her with meticulous questions regarding marriage. Everything will be when the time comes, believe me.
“You broke up with your next boyfriend? We are so sorry that nothing worked out for you"
If you suddenly, in the company of married couples, accidentally mention that your next romance has failed and now you want to take a break from the relationship and devote this time to yourself, then you risk stumbling upon sympathetic looks and words of consolation, as if you just admitted that you have some serious problems (health, finances, etc.). The only way out is not to snap back in response to this unreasonable grunt and as calmly as possible explain to friends that your man will definitely be found, but for now you will start implementing your plans. We believe that excessive pity is sometimes annoying, but your loved ones really worry about you, so try to immediately dot the i's in order to avoid such questions in the future.
"You have too much free time, you need to do something about it"
Most ladies, having married and having given birth to a child, begin to nag their single girlfriends for the fact that those have too much free time, which they waste.In fact, instead of devoting every free minute to her husband and children, ladies who are not burdened by family ties spend their time with no less benefit, while having freedom of choice. "I want - I eat halva, I want - gingerbread", - as the heroine of the cult film "Girls" said. They can freely dispose of their time, living as they please. And there is nothing wrong with that. Remember how you spent your free time before the wedding and ask less inappropriate questions.
“Use your loneliness to your advantage. For example, take care of your transformation"
This point follows from the previous one. Why do most people think that if a woman has not yet reached the registry office, then she urgently needs to change something in herself, starting with her hair and ending with attending some developmental courses. In fact, a lady can change something in herself, but only if she decides that she will be so comfortable. And not because she urgently needs to find a man and for this it is worth pretending to be someone who she is not. In this case, you should just politely thank for taking care of your own person and assure that you will certainly begin to devote even more time to yourself to your beloved (but, of course, you will begin to act as you see fit).
“Let's introduce you to a cool guy? Why don't you just go on a date with him?"
Even if you ask these questions with the best of intentions, you may inadvertently offend your single friend. Plus, she's not so insecure about her own attractiveness as to agree to blind dates. Even if she does not have time for new acquaintances, she can successfully use special applications that are just designed for those people who do not have free minutes for empty conversations and hopeless relationships. And in the format of virtual communication, you can get to know a person before going on dates with him. And yes, no one canceled acquaintances at work either, so for sure your girlfriend will cope on her own. Unless, of course, you have contacts of a wealthy handsome man, reminiscent of Brad Pitt in his youth, who dreams of meeting a decent girl and starting a family with her.
“Don't worry, sooner or later you will find your soul mate. Everyone finds"
First, where did you get the idea that a single lady is going through? Maybe she just broke out of a painful relationship and began to live for her own pleasure. Or she just enjoys life, not dwelling on the fact that all her friends have been married for a long time, and she never met her prince. And secondly, even if this is true, then you should not focus on this, forcing a person to experience not the best moments in his life. After all, it may only seem to you that you are asking completely harmless questions, and others may perceive it differently. Therefore, just switch to some neutral topic that does not affect the relationship.
“You don’t want to get married? Why? Everybody wants"
Another misconception of "married", which is very annoying for those who are not yet in a serious relationship. Perhaps in a similar way, couples are trying to calm themselves down by saying that yes, family is great. Only free women may have a different point of view. And in order not to provoke a conflict or resentment, just try not to throw such statements around. After all, it is definitely not for you to decide whether to marry a person or live for your own pleasure.
“Now it's clear why everyone is leaving you! You will never meet a man with such a character."
But this is even impolite to point out to a lady her shortcomings. Even if she has a difficult character, this is not a reason to accuse her of not yet having a personal life. Both partners must work on the relationship, otherwise they will fail.What should a single woman do in this case? Just ask friends not to focus on her flaws, but at the same time stop discussing her personal life. After all, there are so many interesting topics in the world, in addition to why she still has not found that lucky one with whom she could immediately recover to the registry office. Make it a joke and ask if your friends are happy with their soulmates? Let them also look for some flaws (or, on the contrary, some virtues) in their spouses.