Photo: pixabay.com "He shows this game only to the most beautiful girls": Nizhny Novgorod told how they became victims of sexual violence Young, beautiful and defenseless girls often have a hard time. You never know for sure from which side the danger lies in wait, and who may be the aggressor - a stranger from a bar, a cheerful uncle with a bicycle, an old friend or relative.
The topic of violence is taboo in Russian society. Abuser victims are afraid to talk about their problems, fearing for their lives. But the most terrible thing for them is silence, a feeling of loneliness and helplessness.
Today, June 19, on the Day of Combating Sexual Violence, the editors of the Nizhegorodskaya Pravda website share the stories of Nizhny Novgorod survivors. (18+) Margarita's story:
“It happened when I was 5-6 years old. In the summer, like many children, I was floated to my grandmother. I was allowed to walk in the courtyard myself, but I was not allowed to leave the courtyard. But I met the children from the neighboring yard and regularly ran out to play with them. Once we sat with them. And a yellow car parked not far from our place. A man got out of it, took a bicycle out of the trunk and came up to us. He began to rub himself into trust. I do not remember all the details, but I remember that it was fun with him.
At some point, he very aggressively barked at the children and drove them away, but for some reason I did not leave and was not frightened. Rather, I was worried then, but he somehow managed to calm me down. Still, pedophiles are very good psychologists. Well, then he invited me to play. He said that he shows this game not to everyone, only to the most beautiful girls. And, naturally, my curiosity got the better of all the prohibitions: “don't go anywhere with other people's uncles”.
Since the game is secret, he took me to play in a thicket of bushes. At first it was acting in clothes, but at some point he took off his pants and the classic scenario unfolded. I was saved by a neighbor boy who saw me leave the yard with a man. He ran after my grandmother, and so everything ended quickly, and I survived. This freak went unpunished. He, apparently, noticed the grandmother running with a rolling pin, and managed to hide everything. When she arrived, he ran away.
From my grandmother, I felt great, and I did not tell her the truth about what happened, fearing the punishment. I was ashamed, although I didn't even really understand what had happened. Everyone decided that I was just scared, but no one even wanted to think about what he did to me. Everyone hoped that he did not have time for anything.
Because of this situation, I began to have nightmares, I felt very lonely for the first time. For a child to face such experiences alone is very difficult, downright insane. This led to the fact that I wanted to know what happened then, as a result - early onset of sexual activity and loss of trust in parents. Here they are watching the program “Let them talk” with a story about the rape of a girl and discussing that she is to blame. And I sit, listen to all this, and feel guilty and dirty. Fortunately, this is all in the past, now there are only nightmares and small problems with an intimate life.”Irina's story:
“In 2019, when I was 20 years old, my friends and I decided to visit a friend's house, these gatherings were accompanied by a lot of alcohol. At that time I was in a kind of depression after parting with a young man and saw in alcohol "salvation" from sadness. So this time I was not in the mood and drank more than necessary. My “friend” at that time helped me when I felt bad, washed me with cold water and gave me tea.It so happened that with this very "friend" I ended up in a separate room.
When we went to bed, my mind was relatively clear, but my body was completely unresponsive. My "friend" began to pester me, kiss on the lips, hug me when I could not even move from alcohol. The peak was the moment when he began to take off my skirt and underwear. It is worth noting that I remember all this clearly, but at that moment I could not do anything. Apparently, he was stopped by the fact that I was lying and practically showed no signs of life, he just left me in bed and left. In the morning, of course, I remembered all this, but he pretended that nothing had happened. We did not discuss what happened at all.
I only told my friends about this later - they were just shocked, they did not give advice. I began to communicate less with him, because it is unpleasant for me. Memories constantly pop up when I see him, even after a year and a half.”Anastasia's story:
“It happened a year ago, during the New Year holidays. My friends came to their hometown to visit their parents for the holidays (we went to different cities to study after school). We gathered to sit in a bar, friends brought their acquaintance, whom I did not know (let's call him X). The bar was closing early so we decided to go to a friend's house. Throughout the evening, I and X exchanged a maximum of 2-3 phrases, we didn't have much to talk about.
I drank too much and did not notice how drunk I was, but X noticed it. It all started with the fact that while the guys were smoking on the balcony, X began to squeeze me all over the apartment and try to kiss me. At one point, I felt super bad, began to vomit, and in order to get out of his clamp, I had to obey and return a kiss. Then I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, friends brought me some water, then they put me to bed and continued to hang out.
I woke up still drunk. Some incomprehensible movements behind me woke me up. I was poorly aware of what was happening, but at some point it dawned on me that my skirt and tights were being pulled off. I was in a stupor, I could not say anything or even move, I was scared. Then he began to touch my chest and descend below. Then he began to say something to me, and I finally understood who was behind and what was happening, but I still could not move or do something, there were “planes” in front of my eyes.
He took my hand, pulled off his clothes and began to touch himself with my hand. I realized that I urgently needed to dump somehow. I remembered that after meeting with friends I was going to visit the guy with whom I was just starting a relationship. I was horrified by this thought, but I also thought of something to say to H. She said that they were expecting me at another party. I tried to get up, he grabbed me and persuaded me to stay. I very quickly began to get dressed, I somehow called a taxi. Without buttoning my jacket, I ran out of the apartment in untied boots. I even forgot that my friends are sleeping somewhere in the same apartment. I forgot that I could call them for help.
Then this X subscribed to all my social networks, began to follow. A couple of days later, I wrote to him in a rude form so that he would stop writing to me, that I was not interested in communicating with him. To my surprise, he immediately fell behind. Probably afraid that I might tell our mutual friends. By the way, I did so later. Nobody expected this situation to happen at all. The guys didn’t understand why I didn’t call them then.
As far as I know, this is not the first time this man has done this, often showing his sexual concern for girls. But, of course, you cannot find out at the first meeting."
Why are girls victims of abuse or sexual abuse?
Heroines' Opinions In our world, not all men understand the word "no" from a woman's lips. Now feminists are actively working to eradicate sexual violence in the world, this trend was even called “No means no”. A short skirt on a girl does not mean at all that you can pester her or that she is easily accessible.Plus, girls often do not know which men they find themselves next to, and what these men can do, guided by their instincts, if they see a girl in a helpless state. We condemn the victim. When someone is raped, massive discussions begin about the victim's clothing, behavior, time of day at which everything happened. While it doesn't matter, the rapist is to blame anyway. I understand why this is happening. Who wants to admit that no observance of the rules, the dress code will save you from this? Lack of sex education. If they talked to me and said about personal boundaries, about genitals, about sex, then I would know for sure that you shouldn't walk into the bushes with strangers, especially when they touch you where you shouldn't. And so I was curious and scared. He's an adult, he's right, adults must be obeyed. Plus, I would not be afraid to tell my parents about what happened, because the topic of sex would not be taboo. How to accept the situation and live on? According to the coordinator of the Nizhny Novgorod Women's Crisis Center Elena Prokhorova, Nizhny Novgorod residents do not address the problem of sexual violence so often (about 1 call from 30). The last time they asked for legal assistance on this issue was in January. During the period of the pandemic, there have not been such complaints yet. Cases of violence are not uncommon, but they are usually hushed up, because it is a shame, people do not believe that they can be helped, feel guilty, or simply do not know where to go.
“People endure a lot. For many women, intimate life is sacred. This is honor, dignity, inner state. Every woman, girl has certain dreams (to meet a prince, for love, at will). And suddenly the offender comes across who does something against the will of the woman, sometimes also in a perverted form. Then the whole life of a woman is simply broken. She needs to talk to someone about this. She would be glad to forget about it. But he cannot sleep, to the extent that only a few commit suicide. Everyone has their own degree of acceptance.
I recommend contacting a crisis center with a psychologist. Because it is the psychologist who will help build peace of mind and help to gain the strength to bring the offender to justice. The center also has lawyers who can help. We deal with all types of violence: psychological, physical, sexual, manipulation and threats against others. And it is better to ask for help in such cases right away, because after 10 years no expertise and lie detectors will help, it will be almost impossible to collect evidence of a crime. But women sometimes bury it in themselves and only after some time, when they become successful or more successful, they start talking about it,”said Elena Prokhorova.
Investigative authorities are engaged in rape. Moreover, in order to start a case and bring it to court, the victims are interrogated about what happened in detail, and evidence is collected. They don't stand on ceremony there anymore. And women experience repeated trauma. Often because of this, the victims refuse the help of law enforcement officers. Although for a criminal it could be a criminal article and a real term.
“There are specialists who can and are ready to help. Therefore, one should not be shy and afraid. You just need to call. The woman is not to blame. If something happens not out of love, but against the will, then this is already a crime. And there is always a punishment for him,”Elena Prokhorova emphasized.