What Paths Lead To Divorce: Advice From A Psychologist On How To Preserve Love And Family

What Paths Lead To Divorce: Advice From A Psychologist On How To Preserve Love And Family
What Paths Lead To Divorce: Advice From A Psychologist On How To Preserve Love And Family

Video: What Paths Lead To Divorce: Advice From A Psychologist On How To Preserve Love And Family

Video: Divorce Lawyers Give Relationship Advice | Glamour 2022, December

Why do yesterday's lovers become practically strangers and what problems in relationships and in everyday life most often put an end to marriage? And most importantly - is it possible to keep a family on the verge of breaking up? Today we are discussing these issues with the candidate of psychological sciences Tatyana BORISOVA. According to statistics,

then the main reason for divorce is betrayal. Spouses cannot forgive each other for romantic adventures on the side and break off relations forever. It is interesting that men turn out to be more tolerant than women, and in case of betrayal they are ready to forgive their spouse, at least for the first time. Representatives of the fair sex do not differ in such loyalty, therefore, the percentage of initiators of divorce on the part of deceived women is much higher.

The second reason for the collapse of marriage ties is mutual accusations, which are disguised under the phrase "did not agree". This wording implies: the inability to find a compromise, the talent to initiate quarrels, unhealthy selfishness and the inability to yield to each other. It is interesting that women are in the lead here too: the number of dissatisfied women in percentage terms exceeds the number of angry men.

Poverty is another major problem on the family trail. One of the spouses earns little or does not work at all, while the other plows like an ox, but still there is not enough money. The result is a divorce.

The reason for the breakdown of the family can be alcoholism and drug addiction of one of the spouses. In this case, women are more patient than men, therefore, on their part, the percentage of women who initiate a divorce is much less.

And finally, another family problem that causes the desire to get a divorce is assault. However, the percentage of those who reported physical violence and subsequently ended their marriage is negligible.

“The choice of two people who decide to live together must be deliberate,” says Tatiana BORISOVA, PhD in Psychology. “Both a man and a woman need to understand that it is no longer possible to prioritize personal habits and interests, that the family has to make concessions and compromises.”

According to Tatiana BORISOVA, there are at least two ways out of any situation, which means that divorce can be avoided. The main thing is to understand in time that the person who is nearby is still dear to you.

Let us examine the terms of the two main reasons for the collapse of family relations.

Reason 1: CHANGE

Expert commentary: “Adultery is painful and unpleasant, but in most cases we do not try to find constructive ways out of the situation, but seek to accuse and punish the culprit,” says Tatiana BORISOVA. - Most often, no one in a couple asks why this happened. The woman sculpts the label "dog" on the guilty person, the man is convinced that his wife is a "fallen woman" … Mutual reproaches quickly lead to divorce. And the reason why everything happened remains unclear.

Many times I observed the situation: a woman got divorced because of her husband's infidelity, got married again and after a short time learned that the new husband was also cheating on her. The conclusions made by the lady were striking in their monotony: "I have no luck: there are always males who are ready to trudge after each skirt." Never once did she think that she herself, perhaps, by her behavior and actions provokes men to such actions.

Any situation needs an intra-family analysis. He or she needs to figure out why this happened, to establish the cause of the adultery.

To give an example: I happened to work with a woman who believed that the leading role for the wife was to maintain the comfort of home and raise children. She tried to ignore the intimate part of married life, considering it secondary. The woman often went to bed with the children, and her husband at this time felt abandoned. As a result, the husband started a mistress, and subsequently asked for a divorce. The woman blamed the lovemaker for everything, who allegedly stole the father from the children.

Intimate life is one of the main pillars on which the family rests, so you should not ignore it. A man often perceives everything through the prism of sexual relations, and if the spouses do not have an intimate life, then the other circumstances that keep the husband and wife together are called into question."


Expert commentary: “This catch phrase can mean many problems that have arisen during marriage, which arise from a lack of mutual respect, unwillingness to show understanding and support,” says Tatiana BORISOVA. - By and large, the main criteria for the relationship between husband and wife are not observed. Of course, we do not forget about love either, but over time it either transforms into devotion or disappears without a trace. A woman needs to understand that for a man, home is a refuge, where he should feel comfortable and safe; that, being in this place, he can completely relax and rest both mind and body. If this does not happen, the man begins to look for another quiet "place of residence", because, as a rule, he cannot live without feeling at home as a refuge.

Of course, in his home, a man counts on understanding, affection and love from a woman, but it also happens that he does not receive either the first, or the second, or the third. Ladies, unlike husbands, consider their home to be their territory, where their laws are in force, which everyone must comply with. And it doesn't matter that the spouse does not like such a formulation of the question at all. She firmly believes that she is the mistress of the house, and let him be realized in work.

It is also interesting that a man, faced with everyday difficulties, tries to pour out all problems to someone on workdays or in the company of friends, while a woman carries everything home, and naturally, when emotions go off scale, they spill out on the one who is nearby, outside depending on whether the neighbor is guilty of something or not.

The more often this situation is repeated, the faster the relationship changes for the worse. When the cup of patience of one of the spouses is overflowing, he has a thought about divorce.

Patience, respect and support of a partner - both on the part of a man and on the part of a woman - will help maintain family relationships for many years. Remember that the person should be comfortable with you.

Try to get rid of negativity somewhere away from home and not take evil on those who are close to you. Remember that problems will be solved sooner or later. Therefore, do not focus on what is not important for the two of you, find the good in your joint affairs and plans, stay in the positive energy field in spite of everything."

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