Every woman dreams of a happy and harmonious relationship with her beloved man. But even the wisest women are capable of making mistakes in relationships, which can lead to a break in the relationship. Forewarned is forearmed. The editorial board of "Word and Deed" discussed with the psychologist Inna Kuznetsova the most common mistakes of women. She made a list of ten items.
TOP 10 main reasons destroying the happiness of even people who truly love each other:
1. To be a "good girl", comfortable, obedient and perfect
Nobody can be the most comfortable and obedient, and neither you nor your man need it. Of course, at the beginning of a relationship you want to be perfect, to "fall in love" with a person. However, you need to remember that he may get used to your image and not accept you when you become natural - a person who has weaknesses and disadvantages.
2. To be omnipotent - "I myself!"
You don't have to compete in strength with your man. Remember that he wants to be an assistant and protector for you. Sometimes a man expects you to contact him with even a minor problem that he can solve and feel needed.
3. To be sacrificial, to give up oneself, to serve a man - "I live for you"
It often turns out that the story of the two halves is a myth. You are a person, self-worth and independent. It's great when a loved one has become a life partner, helper and friend. However, giving all of yourself, depriving yourself of strength for the sake of him is not worth it. And he is unlikely to appreciate it. More often men prefer independent and confident women.
4. Be overcontrolling - control of time, money, phone and every step of a man
You are a friend, companion, object of love for a man. He chose you, realizing that he could trust. Do not undermine this trust, let him be alone, communicate with those with whom he wants. This is not indifference, but respect for a loved one.
5. To be a guardian mommy for a man (see if he has eaten and changed his socks)
Of course, unconsciously he is looking for a woman somewhat similar to his mother. But you will never replace it, and it is not necessary. You are not a mother - and he will not be able to manipulate his mother's feelings and behave with you like a boy. In the end, an adult will be able to cook his own food and wash clothes, and not sit until the last moment waiting for "mommy".
6. Being playing an intellectual game "guess yourself"
Intuition in men, for many reasons, is not as developed as in women. Therefore, for him, living surrounded by hints and silent quarrels can be simply unbearable. Be direct about your problems and desires. This will help you speak up, and it will relieve misunderstandings and feelings of guilt.
7. Be patient and forgiving in order to avoid frightening loneliness
The person next to you is, first of all, a friend, a companion. However, as we said, no one can take your identity away from you. Develop, take time for yourself and do not be afraid of loneliness. Loneliness is not as scary as an exhausting and unnecessary relationship.
8. To be "brains out", to show criticism and dissatisfaction with a man
A man also wants to hear kind words addressed to him. It is important for him that his efforts be appreciated, supported and helped in failures. He, too, is not omnipotent, like you. By criticizing and showing dissatisfaction in difficult times, you will not do better to anyone. Supporting with a kind word and care, you will show that you do not love a person for his actions, but for the fact that he is nearby.
9. Be doubting your man - "Maybe I can find better"
It's a vicious circle. Even if with these thoughts you decide to leave one person for another, with another you will think in the same way. This is the principle of running away from problems, not solutions.Find it better or not - it doesn't matter. The important thing is that if you do not know how to cope with difficulties, but prefer to run away, you will not catch up with happiness.
10. To be with castles in the air and reap that a man will meet all expectations
We are no longer children, and sometimes we need to understand that life does not always give us fabulous gifts. Appreciate the little things that make up our whole life. Do not reproach him for the fact that he has not yet bought a fur coat for you, but a car for himself. Praise him for doing the best he can for you. Any little thing, any kind word can preserve a relationship and bring happiness to it.
“This is not the whole list of mistakes! If you recognize yourself, start working on yourself today (option - contact a psychologist). Be interesting, develop, become better than you were yesterday. Watch yourself. Be flexible and compromise. Talk to a man, clarify your grievances and claims, your wishes and needs, negotiate what your relationship will be like. Accept your man for who he is. Be sure to confess your feelings, talk about how you love and how you appreciate a man! Remember, it is important for men to feel like strong conquerors, support for their beloved,”the psychologist advises.