In our society, monogamous relationships are considered the norm. A union of lovers, consisting of more than two people, is most often perplexing. Is this fair? Or maybe we are mistaken in thinking that it is impossible for the three of us to build a normal relationship? WMJ.ru decided to investigate this issue.
What is polyamory?
Let's start with simple terms. In all their diversity, it is easy to get confused. Swing, polygamy, polygamy, polygamy What is what? Polyamory is a non-monogamous voluntary ethical relationship that allows for more than two participants. Polygamy is a close concept, but not identical. In such a union, only one person takes the leading place. Moreover, polygamous relationships are often regulated by the state. Polyamory, on the other hand, is a contract between participants who are absolutely equal in rights.
Polygamy and polygamy are considered polygamy. We have already written about swing in detail. You can find out what it is by the link.
Is it okay to be in a polyamorous relationship?
If such a question comes to mind, then it is worth asking yourself: "What is the norm?" The "norm", we believe, was determined simply by the tradition to which we are accustomed. But this does not mean that the nuclear family is the only true union that everyone should strive for. It must be remembered that each of us is a personality with a set of individual traits, so different resources are required to meet our needs. One person is enough for someone, while someone happily lives with two or even more partners.
By the way, the Society for the Study of Sexuality found that 81% of people fantasized about non-monogamous relationships at least once. And is it rare when a person loves both? Another thing is that they are not in a triple alliance.
Elisabeth Scheff, Ph. D. and author of Polyamores Next Door, likens relationship to a menu.
Monogamy is a dish that is especially popular on the menu, but there are others, like polyamory, that are simply less in demand in society.
Sheff says. This is a very simple, but such an understandable explanation for those who still deny an unconventional relationship.
We talked about the pros and cons of polyamory with cognitive behavioral psychologist and sex therapist Elena Vasilyeva.
It is difficult to judge whether such a relationship can be successful or not successful (as it is difficult to judge a monogamous relationship: everything is very individual). There is not much research into polyamory. However, I want to say that if this suits all participants in the relationship, happens with the consent of everyone, then such a union may well become harmonious. Now let's talk about the pros and cons of a relationship.
In a threesome relationship, there is much more love and sex, more care, communication, support. It is more difficult to create harmony with three of them than with a pair. However, if you succeed, you're in luck. This means that there is a truly deep level of trust in your relationships with partners.
The most obvious problem is jealousy. The desire to be the only one with your partner is absolutely natural. To share a loved one with someone else, you need to be more spiritually advanced, and sometimes go into internal conflict with yourself. However, often such a conflict does not pass without a trace for a person. He may develop somatic disorders in the form of weakness, sleep disturbances, depression.
Be that as it may, for everyone to choose for himself with whom and how to live his life. Even if it's just an experiment, let it leave vivid memories!
More on jealousy and other polyamorous myths
1. Polyamores are never jealous
Some people think that polyamorous relationships are not so deep, so the participants do not know the feeling of jealousy. It is a myth! Jealousy is a quality inherent in both polyamors and people who prefer monogamous relationships. To say that polyamores are never jealous is to devalue the sincerity of their relationship. No one is immune from this feeling.
2. Polyamory is an excuse for cheating
The thing is that the concept of treason is completely different for all people. For some it is unacceptable for a partner to watch porn. And someone will easily react to the fact that his / her significant other kissed another person. Each pair sets the rules for themselves.
Moreover, there is also cheating in the life of polyamores. There is a chance that a person will cheat on his two or three partners. And this is far from uncommon. Polyamory is not an open relationship.
3. Polyamores are afraid of commitment
On the contrary, polyamores have more responsibility to their partners, because they are accountable not to one person, but to several.
4. Polyamores have different values and moral guidelines
Many consider polyamores to be promiscuous, depraved and immoral people. However, their value system is not much different from those who prefer monogamy. For polyamores, loyalty in relationships, love and respect are also important. They are not limited to dual unions, not because of lust, but because of their inner needs to share feelings with two or even three partners.
5. They just love threesomes
Not at all necessary. Some polyamores have sex in pairs. Plus, polyamory isn't just about intimate relationships. This is primarily about feelings!
Personal experience
British tabloid Daily Mail spoke about the history of the polyamorous trio. Cheyenne Barnes, 29, and James Chorman, 34, from Texas, USA, lived together for over a year before deciding to try a threesome relationship. The initiator was Cheyenne, who realized she was bisexual. The girl suggested that James find a girl who would become a member of their family. The choice of the pair fell on colleague Cheyenne Joel.
Now they all live together under one roof, and with them their five children. They each have a child from a previous marriage, and Cheyenne and James have two common daughters. Now Cheyenne wants Joel to get pregnant with James.
Many opponents of polyamorous relationships believe that this is bad for children. However, this has not been scientifically proven. Cheyenne, James, and Joel disagree. On the contrary, they say that the children very quickly got used to this situation and quickly accepted new family members. They say that at school they are even envied, as they receive more gifts and love.
Cheyenne, James and Joel don't even mention jealousy in their relationship. They love each other equally.
