The dear has become another: what kind of husbands do grooms turn into after the wedding When going with her beloved to the registry office, almost every woman hopes that in the future it will meet the widespread standards from women's magazines. Maybe, of course, he will not bring coffee to bed every morning, but he will surely provide it with attention, care and affection to the fullest. In fact, it often turns out to be somewhat different.
What kind of husbands do many grooms turn into after the wedding? And how to get along with them?
On the one hand, he perfectly suits the image of an ideal husband. With him it is quite possible to feel like behind a stone wall - he provides his family, for which he works tirelessly.
True, the children have long forgotten dad in the face, and the wife does not remember when the last time she talked to him heart to heart. Because a worker spends 12 hours a day at work. And if he nevertheless turns out to be at home on a rare day off, then he torments his loved ones with endless nagging - everything annoys him, he does not like everything. As a result, everyone is looking forward to when the head of the family will go to work again.
Tireless workers are, as a rule, notorious men who need someone to constantly improve their self-esteem. They are very poor at communicating with people and experience a subconscious fear of emotional closeness. With the help of work, such spouses try to hide from existing internal problems.
According to experts, such men are married to daughters of alcoholics or simply cold fathers, accustomed to lack of attention. Thus, they simply recreate the atmosphere of mental discomfort that prevailed in the parental family.
What to do?
Unobtrusively reward your partner's non-work-related behavior. Praise your husband more often for achievements that are not related to work, and do not blame him for mistakes. Doing so will lessen the workaholic's confidence that the best things, including love, can only be earned through hard work.
If your efforts are unsuccessful, it is worth convincing your husband to see a therapist.
He is firmly convinced of his own exclusivity, which gives him the right to a special attitude towards himself. And therefore requires from loved ones complete dissolution in their lives. The wife should provide him with complete comfort. Children are forbidden to make noise and bring guests into the house - so as not to disturb dad.
Moreover, such a spouse is not necessarily an artist or artist who needs a special atmosphere. Most often, unrecognized geniuses have rather modest abilities with transcendental ambitions. They cannot admit their own inconsistency. Therefore, others are blamed for their failures - including wives who failed to provide the proper conditions for the realization of their multifaceted abilities.
Many women fall for these accusations, overwhelmed with a sense of guilt, with the help of which unrecognized geniuses then twist ropes out of them. This type of man often pours bitterness over a failed life with booze. And wives spend their vitality trying to fight this addiction.
Unrecognized geniuses do not pay any attention to the feelings and emotions of the women next to them. And they are not even able to portray concern for them. But they are very fond of complaining about their own problems and willingly give women the right to solve them.
This gives many wives the illusion of their own need, and therefore they readily undertake to serve unrecognized geniuses. As a rule, these are women who are very afraid or simply do not know how to live their own lives, as well as firmly convinced that they themselves do not deserve love and respect. Therefore, they readily dissolve in the life of a spouse, surrounding him with hyper-care.
What to do?
No matter how attractive the role of the savior may seem to you, find the strength to refuse it. You do not need to devote your beloved your whole life, sacrifice yourself. You must have your own interests, your tasks, your own path in life. Stop patronizing your husband, leave him to solve his problems himself, do not succumb to attempts to blame you for his failures.
Learn to make time for yourself - start with at least 10 minutes a day. Live your own life, find a hobby for yourself, start your social circle and stop solving the problems of the unlucky chosen one. However, in most cases, the wives of such men need the help of a specialist in the development of personal needs and self-love, without which you can remain just a servant of an ungrateful spouse for life.
He controls every step of his wife, does not allow money to be disposed of, prohibits meeting with his girlfriends and at the same time torments him with constant criticism. Loses his temper for any trifle. Moreover, this trifle in his eyes takes on the meaning of a symbol. I forgot to dry-clean his suit - she doesn't think about her husband at all, she ran out of toilet paper - she doesn't give a damn about what's going on in the house.
Any mistake turns into a crime against the spouse. The home tyrant really does not like it when his wife communicates with her friends and even with relatives. After all, this distracts her from worries about her family - about her husband and children.
Destroying the spouse as a person, he gains power over her. This behavior is inherent in individuals with an inferiority complex. Due to the control and humiliation of his wife, the home tyrant asserts himself and increases his self-esteem.
Most often, girls who grew up in single-parent families or who have suffered grievances in life, who do not know how to protect themselves, fall in love with future tyrants. They are drawn to strong, domineering, decisive men, who then turn out to be the most real dictators who treat their wives like property.
What to do?
Do not expect your husband to improve. According to experts, it is impossible to change a tyrant spouse. Therefore, you yourself will have to change.
You need to work to improve your own self-esteem. You need to learn to accept and love yourself, take care of yourself. This respectful attitude will partly be passed on to the husband. At the very least, he will begin to feel the boundaries you are building and will behave more carefully.
If this still does not happen, then most likely your spouse is hopeless and it makes sense to think about divorce.
It is almost impossible to wait for help from him in everyday life. Domestic problems seem unreasonably boring to him. It is much more exciting to slap a beer with friends in the evening or spend half the evening playing computer shooters.
Such a spouse always strives to shift the responsibility onto other people's shoulders. Therefore, in family life, the whole load of household and financial problems, as a rule, has to be carried by his wife. In the matter of raising children, this man is also not to be hoped for. Of course, there are exceptions, but most often such a spouse perceives his own child as a competitor and is almost completely removed from his upbringing.
Often women, trying to tie their husbands to themselves, play on his weaknesses, diligently posing as caring mothers. As a result, a man gets used to receiving more than giving, and begins to take it for granted. He gets used to the fact that a woman solves all problems for him. And then he follows through life as a passenger.
What to do?
Give up the habit of sticking your fragile shoulder all the time. Give your spouse the opportunity to do something on their own, even if they persistently ask for your help. Do not under any circumstances take it upon yourself to solve his problems and fulfill his duties.
Don't let him feel guided. Try to make your husband feel responsible for what is happening.
Be sure to give thanks if he shows his masculine nature and tries to do something for you.
Remember - you cannot remake a grown man. So first of all try to change yourself. And then your husband will either change his attitude towards you, or you will meet a more worthy person.