A mistress has now become almost an obligatory attribute of a successful man. However, some representatives of the stronger sex may even be contraindicated to have a lady of the heart on the side.
To each his own
Why are men so persistently looking for a connection on the side? Everything here is very individual. Often the routine of family life prompts a man to search for a mistress. Household chores, taking care of children and wife are leaving less and less time for themselves. Also, the spouse is no longer as attractive as before, and oh, how you want to live for your own pleasure.
A man runs to his mistress not so much from his wife as from the order of a bored relationship, in which his ego ceases to be satisfied. The wife's desire to devalue her spouse, and even more so, attempts to control him, will push the wife's desire to cheat faster. In addition to satisfying his physiological needs, the man expects to find something that his legal spouse deprived him of - attention and care.
But there is a certain category of men for whom a mistress is not a means of escaping the hateful gray everyday life, but an attribute of status, like an expensive watch or a luxurious car. Here he is not looking for solutions to sexual or psychological problems, but rather pays tribute to the fashion that has developed in a respectable community.
However, regardless of the reasons prompting the representatives of the stronger sex to acquire a mistress, not all of them are capable of a double life. For some men, cheating can be a fatal mistake with unpredictable consequences.
There is a strong belief that a decent man, a loving husband and father will not have a mistress. Not entirely true. There are also such mistresses. Another thing is that it will be psychologically more difficult for him to maintain relations on two fronts than for a convinced womanizer, for whom another affair is akin to a trophy won.
From the point of view of the theory of psychoanalysis of Freud, the superego (or superego) is responsible for the moral foundations of the individual - a psychic instance that performs supervising and punitive functions. The tougher the super-ego, the more painful the feeling of guilt for an unseemly deed. Excessive dictate of moral attitudes of the superego can lead to various psychopathologies - from neurotic disorders to delusional states.
According to the American psychoanalyst Karen Horney, a strong super-ego, in addition to disciplining human behavior, is sometimes frankly masochistic in nature. A hypertrophied feeling of guilt, transforming into a feeling of self-hatred, can lead to the loss of the instinct for self-preservation. And this is fraught with suicidal states.
Even if a cheating husband, experiencing a strong sense of guilt, does not think about ways to commit suicide, then he is certainly provided with nervous exhaustion. Maintaining a love affair on the side will very soon become a burden for him and sooner or later he will return to his usual family life.
A mistress is not a luxury for a weak-willed man. For him, the fear of being revealed by his wife will always be higher than the potential pleasure that he will receive on the side. Family psychologist Elena Kuznetsova notes that weak-willed men tend to have extramarital relationships as often as strong ones, but if the latter "build" their mistresses from the very beginning, the former often fall under their influence, which is fraught with family collapse.
Having a mistress is not a cheap pleasure. A lady of the heart will almost certainly cost a pretty penny - the cost of gifts, restaurants, clubs, joint recreation. Others will require payment for an annual fitness and beauty salons, while others will want a car and an apartment.The prospective candidate will need to carefully weigh their financial capabilities before plunging headlong into a love adventure. When the costs of maintaining a mistress invade the family budget, very soon such a relationship will have to be abandoned.
Not ready for war
Every love relationship comes to an end. It's one thing if you broke up in an amicable way. But sometimes the one that has recently been the subject of adoration does not at all want to break off relations and to preserve them can resort to elementary blackmail. The threat that information about a long-hidden relationship will become the property of the spouse can shock any gentleman. In order to keep her lover, an abandoned woman is capable of the most decisive actions to the point of making his family life unbearable. If a man is not ready for such a turn of events, he should think a hundred times before rushing into the maelstrom of a dangerous affair.
For extramarital affairs to be a joy, for them, no matter how trite it sounds, you need free time. But this is not enough: a double life will require a constant and tiring conspiracy from a man. After all, no one wants to listen to endless reproaches and suspicions from their wife - they can ruin all the aftertaste from a pleasant meeting with his mistress.
Ideal when a man has a work with an irregular schedule and unplanned business trips or a hobby that involves long absences. In addition, a man will need to have an additional bank card, a SIM card, a mail account, a profile on a social network and always have an iron alibi ready. Otherwise, the love affair threatens to be reduced to one-time, fleeting meetings that will not give pleasure to him or her.
Many men, after weighing all the pros and cons of love affairs on the side, do not dare to get involved in them. “After consulting with my experienced comrades, I came to the unequivocal conclusion that mistresses are a lot of trouble,” one of the failed lovers wrote on his blog.