Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency “I and You”, family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relations, believes that a woman who, with a “living partner,” tries to fully provide for herself, makes a big mistake in relationships. On the one hand, the lady loses her femininity and does not give the man the opportunity to take care of her. On the other hand, the chosen one gets used to the fact that his young lady is on self-sufficiency and, if over time she suddenly asks for money, she will take it as if they have climbed into his pocket.
The difficulties associated with asking a man for money most often arise due to the appropriate upbringing - the female line of behavior that the girl adopted from her mother or grandmother. For example, a mother who raised her daughter alone did not skimp on "compliments" to the opposite sex and the main truth that she was able to convey to the child was that "all men are goats" and "you can't ask them for snow in winter." Another typical situation is when girls are taught that they should be humble and never ask for anything. Especially in men. This is not appropriate.
The more you invest, the more you value
As the psychologist notes, regardless of which man a woman meets - free, married, with someone who treats her like a queen, or stops by for a couple of hours once every two weeks - if there is sex, this already gives a woman has the right to ask a man for money.
This right must be exercised, because men have this trait - the more they invest in their women, the more they value them.
“A man is inherently a creator. When a woman he likes is in front of him, then this is a kind of project for him. The more a man "throws in" into this project, the more value it is. And if the “project” does not ask for anything, the representative of the stronger sex gets used to its self-sufficiency, and then there is an atrophy of such masculine qualities as a breadwinner, protector, owner,”says Kuznetsova.
The psychologist emphasizes that people love and value only what they dear. And the money that a man spends on a woman is his work, his time, his refusal to rest and pleasure …
Reconnaissance in force
There are men, relationships with whom are simple and joyful. It is not difficult to ask such partners for help, because there is confidence that there will be no rejection. And there are men with whom everything is complicated and incomprehensible. Suspecting that she is facing a type who does not plan to "raise the cost of the project" through investments, a woman often hesitates to ask her partner for money.
Kuznetsova notes that this behavior of the lady is not entirely true. She can think about anything to herself and her partner, but she will never know how correct her guesses are until she starts talking about money. If a man really values a woman, he will go to meet her. And then it will be clear that their relationship is "not just sex." But if the gentleman says something like: “Do you want a lot, dear?”, It can be stated that a man is not too interested in a woman.
“Asking for money is a litmus test of a man's relationship to a woman. Many of my wealthy clients, when asked whether they are ready to support a partner, always answered the same: "I am ready to invest in a woman if she deserves it." At the same time, the man himself determines whether the young lady is worthy of subsidies or not,”says the psychologist.
How to ask for money correctly
Unfortunately, there is no universal advice - it all depends on what psychotype your man belongs to. For example, if he is a stingy guy, there is hardly any way to get him to fork out.Well, or you have to humiliate yourself a lot, so it's better not to mess with misers in principle.
A normal man likes to give money to his woman. Moreover, he is flattered when a woman asks him for money, because in this way she shows her dependence on the chosen one. And this automatically means that the lady recognizes the strength and importance of a man.
It is only important to ask not "insolently", but with tenderness, showing your secondary importance. Something like this: “Buy me a fur coat? Then you will have the most beautiful girl in Balashikha."
When asking for money, consider the psychotype of the man. If he likes the type of woman-girl, then "turn on" the child. If your partner prefers the image of a femme fatale, "drown in" sexy.
One more tip. You should not ask for money "just like that", it is important to ask for something. For example, on boots. If a man is not a curmudgeon, but thrifty, be prepared for the question: “Why? You already have five pairs. " You can honestly admit: “I really want to. I haven't had one with a pumpkin yet."
“Ask politely, correctly, without humiliation. Pretend to be such a girl-girl. It is quite possible that a man, if he has money, will buy you those boots,”sums up the psychologist.
If a man refuses a request and does not even explain the reason for the refusal, then most likely you are unlikely to expect anything from him in the future either. If he says: "Now I can't, because …" - not all is lost. You can repeat the request after a while.
Never ask a man for money when he is not well, or is in a bad mood, or hungry, or when there are problems at work.
It's funny, but it is with her requests to “help financially” that a woman stimulates in her partner the desire to work and earn money. The explanation is simple. If a woman is loved, and if a man likes to pamper her, this is automatically an incentive for him to ensure that his wife has only the best. So, if you asked for lipstick today, and tights tomorrow, then only a curmudgeon can reproach you for this. A normal man who likes to invest in a woman will say: “Listen, the last bag of money is left, wait. Come on in two weeks."
Do not skimp on gratitude
Thank you for your investment sincerely. It doesn't matter what you do - jump to the ceiling, kiss your man or give compliments. The main thing is that the joy is genuine. The gratitude can be "prolonged". For example, putting on a fur coat bought by your man, you need to brag about it to everyone who sees you in it. And be sure to say that "my beloved bought this for me."
“A woman who does this makes her chosen one cool, and in the eyes of both the weaker and stronger sexes. She automatically puts her partner on a pedestal,”explains Kuznetsova.
Wanting to stay on this pedestal as long as possible, a man will again and again invest money in his woman.
If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the email address of the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected]