Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency I and You, family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relations, named eight female roles, because of which a lady can remain lonely forever.
1. Eternal mistress
A woman who goes into a relationship with a married man faces two dangers. The first is the endless expectation that a man will divorce his current wife and marry her. Perhaps this will be the case, however, as practice shows, men leave the family for their mistresses not as often as the latter would like. If a representative of the stronger sex is satisfied with the life set up by his wife, he is unlikely to leave the faithful. But since he also does not want to lose his mistress, he will feed her with fruitless hopes. When the lady realizes that the expectations are in vain, it may be a long time.
The second danger lies in the fact that a woman gets used to the role of an eternal lover, and in the future, with all her desire, she will not be able to live with someone.
“The frequency of meetings already dictates the terms of the relationship. A woman meets a man once or twice a week. At this time, she is always well-groomed, beautiful, understanding - she perfectly plays the role. But every day such a super-duper woman cannot be,”says Kuznetsova.
Perhaps, in her soul, the "eternal mistress" dreams of being with her beloved every day, but psychologically she is not ready for this, the man will annoy her. Such women will not be able to constantly sleep in bed with another body, they will not be able to cook food and serve a man every day. They are used to intermittent relationships and will stick to that format with the stronger sex over and over again. And, in the end, they may be left all alone.
A career woman is a diagnosis. More often than not, a lady prefers a career to her personal life, "thanks" to her mother - a strong woman who also raised her daughter. The girl was taught from childhood: “Make yourself, make a career. Get a good education in order to occupy a high position and status."
The second reason why a woman goes headlong into work is the fulfillment of a childhood dream. For example, a girl grew up in poverty or a dysfunctional family and made a vow to herself “to go public” when she grows up. Having matured, the lady begins to fulfill her childhood promises. At the same time, men automatically fade into the background, because the career becomes the "guiding star". And this is a conscious choice.
The third reason is psychological dependence on work. For example, a woman has an excellent pupil syndrome. The young lady studied well, then she successfully began to build her career, and in her personal life, troubles constantly occurred. And the woman understands that she is a doc in the work, but does not work out with men. Each new romance brings another pain and another disappointment. For this reason, the lady puts an end to her personal life and goes into a career.
“A woman chooses the lesser of two evils. She chooses a job because here she is loved, appreciated, and she knows what to do,”says Kuznetsova.
While things are going uphill, the woman does not worry at all about her loneliness. She doesn't even think about him. Problems can begin when a career ends, and there is no alternative to it.
The psychologist believes that the situation when a woman does not need sex cannot be called normal. Women most often become asexual when they have had to endure violence or serious psychological trauma associated with a man. Asexual women, in principle, do not strive to find a classic partner, so such ladies are also threatened with loneliness.
4. The princess
Usually in this role are women with excessively high self-esteem. Even in childhood, they were taught how beautiful, intelligent and talented they are. Having become adults, such ladies are not able to adequately assess themselves. Regardless of whether they really deserve it or not, they are sure that only a rich handsome man can make up their party. They can wait all their lives for such a "prince", refusing the rest of the cavaliers, but in the end they can not wait.
5. Committed to one sexual strategy
We are talking about ladies who, in their early years, mastered one single sexual strategy in relationships with men, and continue to use it, after many years.
Elena Kuznetsova, for example, spoke about one such client. She is now 34 years old and single. There are certain problems in communicating with the opposite sex. According to the psychologist, at the age of 20, the girl chose the behavioral tactic of “running away doe” with men, or, simply put, “dynamo girl” (“Yes”, “No”, “I don’t know”, “Maybe”), and still has been using it since then.
But if earlier this tactic was successful, now it is not. Grown men do not understand why a woman behaves this way, and do not know whether to run after her or not.
“When a guy is 20 years old, while he is a young and inexperienced hunter, he is zealous, such games may be interesting to him. But when a man is 36, 40, 50 years old - will he want to hunt? And even if he wants to, how vigorous is he still a hunter? In addition, the man already has a status, a level, a position - to what extent will deer hunting correspond to all this? The problem is that a woman chooses one behavioral line and clearly follows it. And at 30 she is a "running doe", and at 40, and even at 50 - albeit slowly, but running away, "explains the psychologist.
Kuznetsova advises women to stop and change the tactics of communicating with adult men. It is necessary to turn to face them, "switch" to partnership, and then it will be easier to find a common language with the opposite sex.
This is an egoist, squared or even cubed. A woman who can only accept, and as a given, the gifts of her partner, without giving anything in return. There is almost no chance that an egocentric woman will meet a man who can get along with her.
This is a woman who does not like "strangers" on her territory. And everyone will be "alien" to her, except herself. She is used to sleeping alone, doing what she pleases and whenever she pleases, and the man simply does not fit into the schedule.
The classic partner simply will not understand why a woman needs it. He will either leave or try to remake his lady of the heart. The young lady, most likely, will take such attempts negatively, and as a result, the couple will still break up.
"Happy end" for freedom-loving women is possible only if they come across the same partner, and both will be satisfied that each lives his own life, but from time to time they meet on a common territory.
Here we are talking about both physical or sexual abuse in childhood, why a woman can later become asexual, and about the suffered moral trauma. For example, the girl's father was a womanizer, and did not hide his adventures. The baby saw the experiences of her mother, she suffered herself.
Growing up, such girls still believe in a strong family and hope to build a relationship with a man based on trust and loyalty. True, these dreams rarely come true - girls "injured" by their fathers come across only males.
“This is because a girl simply does not know what a real man looks like, so psychologically she attracts womanizers,” Kuznetsova explains.
In this situation, it is difficult to build long-term relationships, but women still try.
Girls who have experienced physical violence often avoid living together with a man and do not seek to start a family.
If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the email address of the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected]