Mikhail Labkovsky: Why Are We Fighting With Women?

Mikhail Labkovsky: Why Are We Fighting With Women?
Mikhail Labkovsky: Why Are We Fighting With Women?

Video: Mikhail Labkovsky: Why Are We Fighting With Women?

Video: 6 Правил Михаила Лабковского, Михаил Лабковский коуч-психолог, 2022, November

The main problem with all relationships is that people don't cooperate, they fight. Men and women start some kind of games.


Shot from the movie "The Wolf of Wall Street"

This principle works almost everywhere, including careers and businesses. Result: people ask for war and they get it. From dating a girl to the moment she ends up in your bed. And even after that.

Why do men choose moves and tactics instead of just relaxing and being themselves?

A confident man will not "win" anyone

I'll start from afar. One of my lectures was attended by a woman coach. She raised her hand and asked the question: “Mikhail, here I am giving lectures, just like you, but I always have to prove to them that I am not a bear. I am constantly stressed because I feel that clients do not trust me. I always come up with ways to gain this trust, but nothing helps. How to be?"

The point is, you are fighting your customers. You have a kind of confrontation. But not me. I love the audience and it never occurs to me to fight it.

We become defensive when we feel insecure. It begins to seem to us that there are enemies around. This is the result of inner fear. When it comes to intimate relationships, then the fear of being rejected, humiliated, insulted is triggered.

We start to defend ourselves when we feel insecure.

In women, this fear is also present in no less quantity. Hence all these games are "inaccessible". All these "conquer me" messages. Only now a self-confident man is not going to "conquer" anyone. And the insecure is quickly drawn into this game. He begins to court, call, show signs of attention in order to "win" at the end and gain "access to the body."

After this victory, he naturally disappears. Not because I got what I wanted, I was physically satisfied. But because there is no more sense in fighting, "victory", as it seems to him, he has already won, there is nothing to waste further time.

But, for a minute, is it not a shame for a man that he was not wanted "for nothing"? Because he is such a person, with such a set of qualities? No, he was "taken" to bed for some actions, deeds.

These are all those boys whom their parents hugged and praised for their achievements. Who rarely heard that they are wonderful in themselves. These boys become men physically, but nothing changes in their brains - they still gain favor through some kind of action, and without this - nothing.

Because of the complexes, we are deprived of real pleasure.

Shot from the movie "Cote d'Azur"

Go ahead. There are men who really need these "victories" in bed. Their self-esteem directly depends on the number of sexual partners, because they simply do not have faith in themselves. Do women "give" them? So they are worthy. And if they are denied, then there is nothing to respect themselves for.

And the funny thing is that in the paradigm of such men, girls have exactly the same problems. If they meet a confident lady who immediately says what she wants, does not play games and makes love of her own free will (and not after flowers, dates and gifts), they immediately write her down in the "cheap". But a girl with a problematic psychology, who portrays the theater of one actor with this very "conquer me" - here is a worthy woman, innocence and purity itself. Your league, so to speak.

Self-asserting through the bed, the complexes do not go anywhere, but only grow like a snowball

It turns out sadly, because both men and women, due to low self-esteem, as a result, deprive themselves of banal pleasure. Moreover, the point is not only this: over and over again asserting itself through the bed, the complexes do not go anywhere, but only grow like a snowball.Relationships with women become complex and confusing because they initially began with complexity and confusion. And there is no end to it.

Be yourself and don't run after anyone

Shot from the film "Especially Dangerous"

The only way to stop this is to really stop chasing women. Did she say no? Okay, so no. A confident man, after the first refusal, calmly moves on. And yet - he is not afraid to approach any girl he likes and hear this refusal. Because his self-esteem does not depend on women at all. And he will not play stupid games, he is not her psychotherapist to serve the complexes.

And yes, everyone has the right to dislike. Just like that, regardless of the complexes. He is blond and she loves brown-haired people. It's okay, this does not characterize a man in any way.

And by the way, women really love confident men. Not in the sense that he is out the door, but he climbs out the window. And the fact that a self-confident person does not fight with anyone in principle. He's not interested at all.

I will have a lecture on sex and self-esteem in St. Petersburg and Tallinn. Come solo or with your women, we have something to talk about.

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