“Look, if you don’t control your husband, he will go to another one,” mothers used to say, getting their daughter married. Indeed, even a few years ago, women flatly refused a guest marriage (or free relationship), believing that nothing good would come of it. But over time, everything changes and this form of coexistence does not seem so terrible. Some of the couples are simply categorically incompatible in everyday life, others give so much time and effort to a career that they do not have time to pay attention to the hearth, well, and still others value their independence so much that they do not want to dissolve in a partner. What are the pros and cons for spouses who have chosen this form of marriage - in the material Passion.ru.
“My husband and I fundamentally rest separately, and if we go somewhere together, then we must spend the night in different bedrooms and arrange dates for ourselves on neutral territory,” - more and more often this phrase can be heard from modern women who have been married for several years. And if before the ladies never agreed to such conditions, remembering the orders of their mothers and grandmothers that a husband needs an eye and an eye, otherwise he will leave home altogether, now they do not see anything wrong with this. Although, in fairness, it is worth noting that the guest marriage has opponents. Men, for example, completely relax in such a relationship and continue to behave as if they are still single. Not all of them, of course, but most of them perceive living with their spouses in different territories this way. Let's figure out what other pros and cons such relationships have and who they are suitable for.
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What is a guest marriage?
This format of relations implies a minimum of responsibility and obligations for joint leisure activities (if desired) and the presence of a stamp in the passport. In other words, the beloved officially register their relationship with the registry office, but continue to live separately and lead their every life (for example, they can be in different countries, where everyone has their own work, friends and leisure, but visit each other every few months or even meet on neutral territory). At the same time, they are ready for partnerships and fully trust each other, preferring to organize family life in such a way that it does not interfere with their career, self-development and other things important to them.
What are the benefits of such a relationship?
If we talk about the advantages of a guest marriage, then they include the following:
There is no satiety with each other. Spouses do not spend 24 hours a day together and do not have time to get bored with each other. On the contrary, during the time of separation, they understand how much they miss their partner and appreciate every minute they spend together. Feelings are not dulled, but on the contrary, flare up with renewed vigor (many couples who live by this principle admit that each meeting happens as for the first time and they fall in love with their partner even more, they are not left with the feeling of an eternal candy-bouquet period).
There are no scandals about the conduct of a joint life. Often people choose this form of relationship because they can not get along under one roof - they immediately begin to find out "who is in charge here", and at the same time establish their own rules. Not everyone can tolerate this attitude, especially those who are used to a certain routine. Therefore, it is easier for them to live separately and from time to time come to visit each other.
There is no desire to “close in the house.” No matter how much you love a person, you must agree that it is impossible to spend all days with him all day long.You need your own personal space and the opportunity to do what you love (and not watch sadly on the TV screen, where they show the next football match because your husband wanted you to be near and share his hobbies with him). A guest marriage gives you the opportunity to arrange for yourself some kind of reboot and rethinking of what you want in the end to get out of life (and from this relationship).
There is no time to sort things out. Of course, if you are jealous and do not trust your chosen one 100%, then there can be no question of any guest marriage. After all, you will harass not only him, but also yourself with your jealousy and in the end, simply destroy the relationship. This form of marriage is suitable for those couples who are completely confident in their feelings, have the same outlook on life and are sympathetic to the partner's personal space. Therefore, during the long-awaited meetings, it is much more important for them to discuss global plans, share news and resolve any current issues than to spend precious minutes on a showdown. A certain degree of freedom helps feelings not to go out, but, on the contrary, to flare up with renewed vigor.
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Are there any disadvantages to such a relationship?
But if everything is so perfect, then why do not all married couples agree to such conditions? Psychologists note that this form of marriage, with obvious advantages, also has significant disadvantages. These include:
Broken relations with relatives. Agree, few of the relatives will be delighted by the fact that you seem to be married, but at the same time behave with your spouse like two absolutely free people (you live separately and meet only from time to time). Most people of the old school still see only one development of events - living together and living under one roof, otherwise it cannot be called a marriage, in their opinion. However, the circumstances are different, and if you and your partner have decided that this form will be acceptable for you, then defend your point of view to the end. Do not follow the lead of your relatives, because in the end this is your own business and living on someone else's orders is at least stupid. But mentally prepare yourself for the fact that some of your loved ones may not accept your decision.
Difficulties with childbirth. Perhaps at the very beginning of married life, you do not think about how you will solve the issue with the heirs (their upbringing) if you are far from each other. It is a little easier for a man in this matter, but a woman who is forced to rely only on herself may face certain difficulties, up to the point that she will then need to somehow explain to the child why his mom and dad live separately, although they love each other very much … In addition, there will certainly be "well-wishers" who will constantly add fuel to the fire, making you doubt the correctness of the decision. Here, as they say, it is necessary to discuss all the "acute moments" on the shore, so that later there would be no unpleasant surprises.
Financial difficulties Of course, not all spouses experience financial difficulties with this form of relationship, however, some couples admit that it would be much more comfortable for them to have a common family budget and understand that in the event of any unforeseen circumstances they can count on a partner (and on his finances as well). And in a guest marriage, people most often maintain a separate budget, do not report to each other about their spending, manage money as they see fit. Although experts remind that some in a traditional marriage live on the same principle - a husband and wife have their own "stash", which they prefer not to tell their soulmate and manage the money as they see fit, often spending it on some of their own whims, and not for the good of the family.
Condemnation of society. Sidelong glances, grins, open expressions of discontent and other moments will haunt those who decide to "go against the system" and instead of creating a traditional unit of society, choose a guest marriage. Many people still doubt this form of coexistence, believing that by doing so the spouses simply want to avoid responsibility and therefore cannot be considered a full-fledged family. Of course, you are not obliged to explain to everyone why you do not live with your chosen one under the same roof, but it is worth coming up with several universal answers in case the curious still bother you.
Lack of support and weak emotional connection. You have probably also come across the fact that in a difficult life situation you so need support (even emotional) of a loved one, but it is not. In addition, your partner is far away and simply does not see what is really happening in your life (for example, he may decide that you are nervous about a trifle, although in fact the situation is tense to the limit). Therefore, you will have to get used to the idea that you will solve your problems on your own, devoting (if desired) your soul mate to them. Some ladies, by the way, admit that the lack of support at the very beginning is still perceived as normal, but over time it begins to weigh on. And then they wonder what is the point of being married if all the questions still have to be solved on their own. And if they want to "cry" or tell someone about a painful problem, then, again, friends come to the rescue, and not a spouse who is on the other side of the city (or even in another country). Of course, you can try to maintain an emotional connection with the help of a gadget, but often even this does not help, and as a result, people simply move away from each other.
How do you feel about a guest marriage?
Photo: Andreas Wohlfahrt / Pixabay, Artistic Films / Pixabay, StockSnap / Pixabay