My Affectionate And Gentle. How Words Of Love Affect Spouses' Relationship

My Affectionate And Gentle. How Words Of Love Affect Spouses' Relationship
My Affectionate And Gentle. How Words Of Love Affect Spouses' Relationship

Video: My Affectionate And Gentle. How Words Of Love Affect Spouses' Relationship

Video: Why Isn't Your Guy More Affectionate? 2022, December

Every person needs an affectionate word or touch. But there are people who need gentle hugs like air. Others will get away with blowing a kiss. Why is that?


"Kitten" in the bus crowd

Alexei Mokhov, a 30-year-old resident of Nizhny Novgorod, admits that most often he hears the phrase "Kiss me, please!" Alexey and Svetlana have been together for five years, and all these years the man suffers from the constant need of his other half for affection.

It all started literally from the first meetings. The girl constantly wanted to hold the chosen one by the hand, clung to the shoulder, stroked, hugged and asked to kiss. Alexey was also full of feelings, but hesitated to express them in public.

Soon the couple got married, and family life went on as usual. Only one thing has not changed - Svetlana's need for constant expressions of affection from her husband. If a couple goes out into the street, they only need to walk holding the hand, even if it is inconvenient. The call "Kiss me!" can catch a man by surprise in the most inappropriate place - in a queue at a store or in a crowd on public transport. Alexei tried to talk to his wife about the inappropriateness of such behavior in public places, but she takes offense.

“In our family it was not customary to constantly express our feelings like that,” says Alexey. - I have never seen my parents kissing in front of me, they were somehow tender to each other. They never lisp with me. I always knew that mom and dad love me, but this was more expressed in care than in constant affection."

Alexey's special "pain" is his cute nicknames, which his wife often calls him in front of everyone. The husband is forced to blush when Sveta calls him "kitten" or "hare" in front of friends. And the guys just choke with laughter. Alexei's parents are also a little shocked by such public caresses. The father once broke down and told his daughter-in-law that the place for cute nicknames is in the bedroom, and not at the common table. Sveta was offended again …

She herself does not see any particular problems in her behavior. She admits that she also grew up in a family where no one has ever hugged anyone, did not say affectionate words. Moreover, such a manifestation of feelings was considered weak.

“I remember that the most obvious expression of feelings on the part of my parents was an approving pat on the shoulder. Mom always pulled her hands away if my brother or I wanted to snuggle up to them. But I knew that everything would be different in my family. For me, the lack of affection from my husband automatically means that he has cooled down towards me. Deeds are important, but we should not forget about words either."

To keep distance

Residents of Nizhny Novgorod, Kirill and Margarita Novikov, sincerely believe that love is not spoken of in words. The guys have been married for only two years, but they do not seek to show everyone around them their feelings for each other.

“When we first started dating, of course, we held hands all the time,” Rita recalls. - But they never kissed at bus stops or in stores, although they were overwhelmed with feelings. This behavior has always seemed inappropriate to me. I grew up with my mother, she raised me alone, worked a lot and, frankly, was not particularly affectionate. Honestly: it never upset me, and even more so I did not seek to make up for it in my relationship with Kirill."

Today Margarita recalls: when the relationship became familiar, she was still a little upset that Cyril had become less gentle. But I soon realized: their human closeness is more important than constant kisses, hugs and cute nicknames.

Margarita and Kirill immediately agreed that they would not show moments of their personal life on social networks. They even left the photos from the wedding only for the family archive.

“Nowadays it is believed that if you don’t post every step on social networks, you don’t seem to live,” says Kirill. - Since I do not constantly post photos with Margot, some friends ask if we are divorced. Probably, they also think that if we do not kiss in front of everyone and do not hold hands, then we do not love each other."

Let's hug?

Psychologist Daria Vetrova:

“It is believed that the manifestation of affection from a partner is especially necessary for women. As a rule, during the period of courtship, conquest of a woman, a man does not skimp on affection. As soon as she becomes his wife, the man often forgets about the need of the other half for tenderness.

But a woman, as a rule, and in marriage every day needs hugs, tender words, kisses. For many, this is the key to high self-esteem and satisfaction with their married life.

Men also need affection from women, especially after five to seven years of marriage. During this period, husbands often cheat on their wives precisely because of a lack of attention and tenderness. They are looking for all these manifestations of feelings somewhere on the side.

Naturally, everyone has their own need for affection. Here, individual differences in the couple must be taken into account. But scientifically proven: a person, in order not to feel lonely, requires eight hugs a day!"

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