On the beach
“If it seems to you that sex on the beach is cool and romantic, then I hasten to disappoint you: it is not. Once my boyfriend and I were inspired by another "Blue Lagoon" (a movie, not a cocktail) and decided that we really need to make love right on the shore to the sound of the surf. It was terrible: the sand turned out to be quite hard, so my back went through an unscheduled peel. Even the towel didn't help! And fine sand was poured everywhere, wherever possible (and impossible): then we washed for a couple of days. In general, no buzz, sheer torment. " Nina, 32.
After a stormy party
“We met at the club, liked each other, he offered to go to him. On the way, we drank sparkling wine after cocktails with vodka. I started to vomit while still in the taxi, when we went up to the apartment and started taking action, I vomited. It was terribly embarrassing. The guy reacted with understanding: he put me to bed, and in the morning he brewed strong tea and cleaned the damaged carpet himself. We are still friends, but normal sex never happened. " Katya, 24.
“Remember when Samantha from Sex and the City was dating a very positive man who loved and protected her, but he had a sooooo little problem? So small that Samantha was terrified and eventually ran away. I never understood her and condemned her. She believed that all this is whim and stupidity. The main thing is that a person is good, that souls are related, common interests, and so on. After the difficult end of the relationship, I did not meet with anyone for a long time. But one day a school friend introduced me to his colleague. How beautifully he courted! He arranged surprises, once even flew to me on a business trip to Novosibirsk. I came home from work, my legs are buzzing, my head hurts, and I already have a hot dinner in my room and a wonderful man. But there was no sex. At first it didn't bother me much, but after a couple of months of regular meetings, a question arose. “I don’t want to rush things,” the man tells me, “because sex is not the main thing.” Well, here I melted completely.
And just imagine: a light dinner, I am in a new dress, underneath it is from the “no underwear” series, kisses, we fall on the bed and … at first I did not understand what it was. It seems that the man is excited, but somehow I don't feel it. I even squinted my eyes to look. And here the man gets up, takes off his pants with a sharp movement and asks: "Do you like my little friend?"
At the cost of incredible efforts, I managed to keep the poker face and not laugh, moreover, to finish the job. For another six months after that, I tried to convince myself that all this can be survived. Complete nonsense. Dear Samantha, forgive me, I was wrong. It is impossible to date a man and make serious plans for the future if his problem is so small. " Olga, 33.
With an allergic reaction
“One young man lived in my friend zone for several years. Even I liked him, but something constantly prevented us from trying to become for each other more than just friends. We even joked about it and seriously thought to develop a plan for the development of relations. We were very good for each other. It seems that this very plan ruined everything. We decided to arrange dates and romantic night trips around the city. In general, it was going to the first sex. And here we are in an intimate setting, he undresses and … my eyes begin to water. It's the XXI century! Shower in every apartment, unlimited soap. Why? Why such a smell ?!.. Not even a smell - a stench. And the young man is not embarrassed, he does not even notice that something is wrong. And I feel my palms, my face start to itch, and my nose is flowing. I rushed to the mirror and for sure - the allergic reaction went. They called an ambulance and gave me an injection. The doctor asks: “What are you allergic to? What caused such a sharp reaction? " She replied that my friend's perfume.
If only perfume! Since then we have not met again. "Lisa, 33.
With my aunt
“I forgot to close the door to the room and my aunt forgot to knock. On the threshold, she appeared just at the moment when I finished, and she did it quite noisily. I think I will never forget the expression on her face. After this story, I moved to another city. We only talk to my aunt by phone.” Maya, 25.
With a virgin
“It was at the prom: I was his first woman, and I had a small, but still experience. He did not know at all what to do with me: he had to take the process into his own hands. Given my minimal experience, it felt like torture. We, of course, did not get any pleasure. However, after 6 years we got married. Since then, our sex has improved significantly, honestly! " Mary, 23.
With my hands tied
“In life I am a control freak: it is important for me to keep everything under control. In sex, I like to guide a man's hands and tell him exactly where I need to be touched in order to be good. One day my ex suggested that I try sex with my hands tied. It seemed to him that this way I could relax better. He took a silk ribbon and held my wrists firmly together. It was hell: I'm not that I didn't relax, I almost lost my mind! The case ended with my hysteria and our parting. " Ira, 29.
With a guy who's too tired
“My boyfriend worked at a bank and worked 24/7 trying to make all the money in the world. He was tired, of course, very much, and we had sex a couple of times a week, not more often. Sex became a complete fiasco, during which he … fell asleep! Right on top of me (and in me) Honestly, I didn't even think it was possible! After that, I put my self-esteem in order for a long time, and my boyfriend moved into the category of the former. " Valentine, 32.
With the son of my mother's friend
“Seriously, with this one about whom memes are composed! Mom ate all my ears: here is Vova, Vova behold … Vova was aiming for high-ranking officials, he wore a suit and was a little overweight. In short, I did not associate him in any way with the man of my dreams. But our mothers and Vova brought us together literally like animals in a zoo, and at some point it became clear to both of us: a date is inevitable. After the meeting, for some reason we ended up in Vovina's apartment. Well, then he did everything as if he had read a textbook on sex, published in 1960: he carefully took off his trousers (underneath there were flowered family members), rolled them up, hung them on a chair. Then he kissed me awkwardly on the neck and began to unbutton my dress. It was funny to me, but I wondered what he would do next. I offered to remain friends when a cotton T-shirt was found under Vova's shirt. Vova was offended that I did not appreciate his sexual impulse, but it seems that we both were glad of the discovered incompatibility. " Vika, 28.