Don't Let Everyday Life Gobble Up Your Marriage: 10 Wisdoms From Yana Poplavskaya

Don't Let Everyday Life Gobble Up Your Marriage: 10 Wisdoms From Yana Poplavskaya
Don't Let Everyday Life Gobble Up Your Marriage: 10 Wisdoms From Yana Poplavskaya

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Video: Случилось горе: Яна Поплавская покинула нас навсегда 2022, December
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The phrase "You are a woman, you must be wise" is said by all and sundry in any situation. And what this notorious wisdom means and how to use it, few people know.

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Many psychologists are sure that the success of a marriage depends entirely on a woman - on her ability to react to certain situations, on her tact, patience and endurance. And life clearly demonstrates this.

That is why in her new column on "Letidor" actress, journalist, public figure, teacher, mother of two adult sons Yana Poplavskaya discusses the dosage of wisdom, cunning and intelligence necessary for a successful life together.

With regret, I have to admit that now the concept of "female wisdom" is absent in principle. Why, you ask. For at least four reasons.

First, we live in an era of self-centeredness.

Secondly, mothers and grandmothers of modern young women do not teach anything except how to prey on a husband with the help of a certain part of the body. But at the same time, these very senior relatives forget to inform their daughters and granddaughters about how to live normally with their trophy afterwards.

Thirdly, the same mothers and grandmothers immobilize or humiliate boys from childhood. While some are dragging a briefcase for their Petechka, while others endlessly wash a cup behind their Vasechka (why this is considered exclusively a woman's business), others at the time of the conflict say: “You are armless, you are of no use, you just have a lot to sit on the phone - just a spitting image of a father! " You yourself understand what the excessive kissing of sons in all places leads to, or their constant humiliation - the boys degrade, not yet having time to grow up.

Fourth, many women are confident that by getting married, they will be able to reform their man. And this, as you know, is a utopia of a universal scale. And it is because of this that the most global conflicts arise between a man and a woman.

Of course, I've also made mistakes in my life.

But, fortunately, I can learn not only from my mistakes, but also from strangers.

Before formulating advice, I want to tell you one very interesting and illustrative story.

Among my friends there is a married couple - Dmitry and Elena. They have an amazing relationship - Dima adores Lena and literally wears her in his arms. Every time I visit them, Dimka meets them with the words "Come in, I cooked soooo!". There was not a single case when Lena was engaged in food. Once I asked a friend: "Does Lena know how to cook?" To which I heard: "What are you, Yanka, she's just a child - she can't do anything." Seeing my stunned eyes, he added, as if justifying himself: “Well, what then? I love her.”

The culmination of this whole story happened on New Year's Eve, when many, many years ago we all rented a cottage together and went there to celebrate the holiday. Leaving with the children to play outside, Dimka asked me to boil dumplings for their arrival and cut vegetables for salad. Since I was planning to make the bed for the children, I tried to entrust this responsible mission to Lena. All my attempts were stopped in the bud by Dima's prayer: “Are you out of your mind? God forbid, she will be left without hands!"

He talked about his wife as a parent talks about his three-year-old child.

As soon as Dima and the children left, I got down to business - I boiled water, called Lena and said: “My dear, now I will teach you how to cook dumplings! Remember! " And she looks at me and says: “Do you think that I don’t know how to cook dumplings? Am I crazy or what? I can do everything, but if I tell him that I can cook dumplings - I will continue to do this, if I say that I can cook soup - I will constantly stand at the stove, if I wash his socks, then I will always have to do this! And I don't want all this! " You understand, she said this not in a sweet honey voice with which she talks to her husband, but in her real basque.

From what I heard, my jaw was literally on the floor. "How did you bring all this to life?" I ask. And she answered: “Patience, and you will free yourself from all everyday issues! Look at yourself - you're a fool! You both work and serve three men at home in full."

And then it dawned on me.My version of feminine cunning is a woman who pulls everything on herself. But here everything is different.

Dima's wife cooked the dumplings beautifully, and the salad was delicious! And when everyone came back from the walk, she praised my pickles this way and that. Not a single muscle on her face quivered when she heard her husband praise “my” dumplings and salad.

All my life I remember this story and think: is it wisdom, is it a trick, but the fact that Lena's self-preservation instinct is amazing is indisputable! She lives well, and their marriage is wonderful, where he is a superman who can earn and cook no worse than Gordon Ramsay, and she is a loving princess who sincerely praises him and admires her husband's talents.

On this note, I want to move on to advice, which, as my life (and not only mine) shows, is very effective.

Quarrel competently

Recently, Zhenya and I drove into a furniture hypermarket. There we saw a monstrous picture of a young woman talking to her husband. He tried to get a better look at the closet, and she shouted: “Why are you looking at this? This cabinet is very expensive. Did you make money on it, I ask you? You made money on this garbage, so look at it!"

The man just stood and did not answer her, and for several minutes she publicly humiliated him.

But the other day my neighbor's lock was jammed. What did she do? No, she did not call the service, which opens the lock for a fee. She began to blame not only her husband, but also his family up to the tenth generation, recalling all the deadly sins that were committed (or not) for decades.

I call this the "vinaigrette system of relationships." Was the poor husband able to open this unfortunate door? Of course not. As a result, I still had to call specialists.

And if the woman were more patient, then in this situation, family relations would not suffer.

In any situation, do not forget about mutual respect.

In my opinion, a mother should teach her daughter not how to catch a bigger fish in her nets, but patience and respect for her partner.

Think for yourself, a man cannot constantly be under the pressure of your discontent about everything in the world!

My great-great-grandfather, an officer, always said: "We have no house for men and women to do." If a person comes home earlier from work than his partner, why not cook dinner? I'm not talking about a goose with apples, I'm talking about a salad or sandwiches, after all. In my opinion, it is wildness to make a scandal over an uncooked dinner!

Life eats relationships from stupid women.

If your husband is tired and cannot do something, you have two arms and two legs - you can do it yourself, or wait.

Don't put pressure on a man

If you want something from a man, then demanding, scandalizing and enduring the brain about this is the stupidest thing that can be done. Because, as soon as you start to put pressure on a man, it causes him negative emotions in relation to you, he resists and does not want to do anything. And if he does, then from the position that he was forced to do so. Agree, in such a situation it does not smell like love!

Things could be different. You can ask a man to do it with the words: _ "Honey, I can't do this, I really need your help", "My good one, I really dream about it. It would be great if you can do it. " _

It's all about building phrases. This is the so-called speech psychology. It works flawlessly!

Give your man the opportunity to express himself

When you tell a man that his hands are growing out of one place, that he is not adapted to anything, that his family has not taught him that it is better to call “my husband for an hour” and season it with the phrase “You are like a pet dangling under my feet”, Do not be surprised that in the end everything will be so. Do you really think that after such words, a man will want to become the hero you dream of?

If a man says that he will do something, do not rush him and hold something with an iron grip.Give him the opportunity to show himself! Marriage really needs to be wiser

Do you want your man to be Batman? Then do not run ahead of the locomotive at the speed of sound.

Don't drag everything on you

How does a person who comes to a hotel on an all-inclusive basis behave? That's right, he is enjoying the rest. How does a husband behave when he has an ultra all-inclusive service at home? That's right, uses it and takes it for granted.

My great-great-grandfather, talking to his young neighbor, said: "Your beloved woman should never do dirty work - she should not wash the floors and touch the garbage." He always protected his grandmother from these matters.

But it's not even about washing floors or throwing away garbage. Often the family “service” does not end there. The "services" also includes booking a vacation, and doing lessons with children, and so on.

Find out what your husband can do. And choose the right words, explaining the request: _ “My love, you have such a bright head, such golden hands, and I do not understand mathematics at all. I beg you very much - do the lessons with the children. I will be very grateful to you, and the children will be happy to spend time with you. " _

Trust me, it works!

You don't have to be both a man and a woman in one person.

Otherwise, your husband's muscles "wanting" to do something will simply atrophy.

Teach a man what you want from him

Here's a simple example from my life. When I got married, I knew how to cook luxuriously, but I didn't know how to peel potatoes or roll meat. Once Sergei asked to cook borsch, and he himself went to a rehearsal. He comes, but no borscht. “You haven't prepared anything,” I replied to his question about dinner. Sergei was shocked!

Yes, my dad, just like my great-great-grandfather, believed that a woman should not do dirty work. He has always been the same apprentice who will peel vegetables and make minced meat

The conclusion is simple: if someone does something for you all the time, but you will not learn anything! So, only after getting married, I learned to peel these notorious potatoes and carrots.

And when my sons grew up, I taught them to cook. They are great cooks, cleaning floors and doing dirty housework.

I initially explained to them that a wife is not a servant, and a husband is not a servant.

Praise your man

Remember, for sure, when you said to your dog "Oh, what a smart girl you are!", She fulfilled the command better and better every time. Of course, the example is rude, but the essence does not change from this - any living creature is pleased with praise, any living creature is motivated by praise.

In a relationship, you need to praise each other constantly - even on little things.

And if a man did not do something very well, praise with a vengeance!

My second husband Zhenya did not know how to cook before. Now he does it enchanting!

At first I just invited him to the kitchen with me saying: “Darling, I’m bored to cook alone,” then he began to ask how to “blanch” this, and how to “caramelize” it. While he helped me, he learned everything himself. And now he says: "Do something else, and I'll cook."

Believe me, a common life can strengthen relationships.

Don't feel sorry for the man

Do not count how many women I know who rush to the kitchen with a high temperature with the words: "Now, I will make your favorite dumplings, now I will cook the crown soup for my mother-in-law." I don’t understand one thing: is your husband a seal or something? He can't take care of the woman he loves when she is bad?

Say:

"Dear, the only hope is for you, for your man's shoulder."

And when he even boils an egg, praise and say that he could be a chef in a restaurant with three Michelin stars!

And even more I know women who carry bags themselves. They twist these bales from supermarkets, and they themselves giggle at the "tuned" girls who proudly walk in heels with a handbag in their hands, and a man with string bags walks next to her.

I'll tell you that this is just a beautiful picture.He is a male, he is a man! Can't take it away in one go, take it away in two times, can't take it two times - it can handle it in three. No need to help him, be a woman next to him!

A man will never have respect for you if you are a draft horse!

My grandmother always repeated to me: “Yanochka, it’s not you who should feel sorry for the man. It is he who should take care of your hands, your back, your beauty, so that you are worthy, and he, against the background of you, was a real man. If a man does not do this, then what is the point in him?"

By the way, do you know who is most often to blame for

Apply the psychology of a mistress at least occasionally.

There have always been many men in my circle. And in the team, they often discuss personal life. So, when you ask men why you have a mistress, they say: “I cannot leave my family. And when I come there, I have a holiday: they are greeted with joy, praised, they say that I am wonderful."

Understand that a person is eager to go where he is warm and good.

A lot can be achieved with love, wisdom, cunning. Scandals, abomination, negativity, listing shortcomings (you earn little, armless, your father is worthless, and your husband is useless) will not achieve anything. A man thinks: "Lord, what am I good at ?!" If you tell a man that he is a pig, he will soon grunt. If we say that a man is not a man, then he really will not be able to do anything, and will not want to - including, he will not want to return home.

Experienced wives sometimes need to apply the psychology of a mistress. Then the husband will rush home with flowers.

Involve your husband in childcare

After the birth of children, the relationship usually deteriorates greatly. Often, this is largely due to women who do not allow a man to approach a child. As a result, a man and a child do not have a relationship.

To avoid this, a man should stand up to the child in the same way as you. Now hundreds of objections will fly to my address, they say, my husband earns money. And I will answer - it's okay if a man wakes up every two days at night to his child, if every two days he gives his wife a good night's sleep.

Only then will he become attached to the baby. Only then does he begin to appreciate parental work.

A man is as much a father to a child as you are a mother.

When a man begins to help, then his wife will not be a migraine or a depressed amoeba who does not need anything.

By the way, Turks and Italians are very good fathers. They often take care of the baby completely on weekends, and their wives relax and thank their men for their father's work.

Understand that from all these little things (for example, to buy juice for your wife at 2 am), everyday life is formed, and relations are formed from this life.

People who simply cannot cook these "cats" say that everyday life has devoured marriage.

In general, everything is quite simple, but for some reason we concentrate on the fact that the husband dropped the sauce on the tablecloth, and the wife did not make tea well. Because of such nagging, love in a relationship begins to fade away, and then a negative appears, and a negative is reborn into dislike, and hatred is born of dislike.

A woman in everyday life should be smart! This is the key to great family and parenting relationships.

Photo: Sergey Klimkin

Read other columns by Yana Poplavskaya:

After the divorce, I was glad that our 25-year-old marriage was not married.

I am categorically against abortion, but you cannot deprive people of the right to choose.

A friend offered to carry a child for me: Yana Poplavskaya - about surrogacy

I perfectly understand people who do not want to have children.

When my son was bullied at school, I taught him how to fight

I went through all the circles of hell with my hyperactive child

Having a baby after 50 is crazy

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