Experienced Marriage: How Not To Turn A Spouse Into A Relative And Keep The Desire For Many Years

Experienced Marriage: How Not To Turn A Spouse Into A Relative And Keep The Desire For Many Years
Experienced Marriage: How Not To Turn A Spouse Into A Relative And Keep The Desire For Many Years

Video: Experienced Marriage: How Not To Turn A Spouse Into A Relative And Keep The Desire For Many Years

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Today, couples who have lived together for more than 10 or even 15 years are becoming a rarity. Unfortunately, after three or four years of marriage, romance and sparkling intimacy leave the relationship. Maybe it's worth running to run to get divorced. But only after a while and with a new partner, you, most likely,

face the same problems.

How to be? Need a “reboot” of feelings? Vitaly AZUROV, a sexologist, consults.

It is generally accepted that true love "lives" for only three years. And then hot feelings inevitably leave us. This is the "shelf life" of special hormones produced in humans. It turns out that nature has laid in us the need to change partners?

Specialist comment: “As a doctor, I can say: several hormones are responsible for our sexual desire - oxytocin, dopamine, testosterone,” notes Vitaly AZUROV. - All this broth is really more than saturated in the first three years. Of course, some are literally blown away by the desire for intercourse at any time of the day. If such hormones were produced throughout life, we would not be able to work, nor take care of children.. All we would think about is just sex. Naturally, after a few years, the level of hormones decreases. However, this does not mean that the desire to indulge in love pleasures completely leaves us. We still want carnal love, just not that much.

Many couples after these same three years already have time to have a child, which means that taking care of him comes to the fore. In general, throughout life, a person constantly experiences undulating ups and downs of sexual desire. In women, this largely depends on the menstrual cycle, in men - on the severity of physical work during the day. There are also more serious fluctuations - associated with pregnancy or chronic diseases that affect the production of hormones, such as diabetes, for example. The longer a couple lives together, the more likely it is that sooner or later they will fall into one of these recessions. What can we say about age-related changes: in men after 40, testosterone levels fall, in women menopause occurs. The main thing is to understand that periods of asexuality are associated with age or physiological characteristics, and not at all with a partner and your relationship. However, pay attention if you feel a chronic decrease in desire for a long time - this is a reason to sound the alarm. Most likely, you will need an examination by an endocrinologist, gynecologist, urologist."

* SEXUALITY IS IN GENES

"Previously, we could have sex three times a day, but now - once a week at best!" - one of the most common complaints at a sexologist appointment. What actually happens: do we stop wanting sex, or does our partner cease to turn us on?

Specialist comment: “Each person has his own rate of sexual activity. For some, intimacy is enough once a week, or even two. Others would like to more often, - continues Vitaly AZUROV. - Sexual temperament is usually innate. It's another matter when, at the beginning of a relationship, “natural drugs” - hormones - act on us. Over time, this background returns to normal, and everyone returns to their own, inherent from birth, sexual activity. This is not due to the fact that partners know each other as flaky. Often we compare the present period of the relationship with the one that was in the beginning, and we think that the passion is gone forever, but this is not so.

The process is this: when love is first born, sex becomes the most vivid way to express your feelings.Over the years, we learn to express love in other ways: through hugs, long conversations, caring for each other. Over the years, "night meetings" do become less frequent, but how their quality increases! We know what our partner loves, he, in turn, is aware of the location of all our erogenous places. Over the years, couples who really love each other begin small experiments in bed: arrange romantic evenings, use various toys. It becomes very important not only to have fun, but also to make your partner reach it. Do not worry if now, instead of seven times a week, you only make love once; the main thing is that the night is full and memorable. But if there is no intimacy for several months, it is worth considering. Talk to your partner if he needs the help of a sexologist or other doctor."

* NOT A HOUSEWIFE, A - "LIGHTER"

All fairy tales about handsome princes and princesses usually end with a wedding. And what is there next - no one knows. But over the years, any princess after the birth of children gains weight, begins to wear a comfortable dressing gown at home, and instead of a luxurious hairstyle, a scanty ponytail. Handsome princes are also not far behind - they have solid tummies, bald spots and bald patches, plus an unrestrained passion for lying on the couch. Maintaining sexual attraction to such a partner is not an easy task.

Specialist comment: “Whatever you say, but marriage is not only sex, but also everyday life,” says Vitaly AZUROV. - The desire to impress a partner and show oneself from the most advantageous side passes. Why try? The other half is nearby, it will not go anywhere. No less problems are created by the common life - household chores, helping children with lessons, and all this after an 8-hour working day. What kind of intimacy is there … The wife makes a cucumber mask, the husband watches the series. When you met, you so lacked the time spent together, you were ready to cook together and go shopping together, so as not to be separated. Now that you have all the evenings at your disposal, you are in no hurry to spend them in the bedroom. A paradox and nothing more!

Everyday life can really wipe out your sex life. Moreover, in our difficult time of self-isolation, when we are around the clock next to each other. In order not to forget that you are not only a mom-dad-employee-housewife, arrange romantic evenings together. After the children have put the children to bed, set the table with light snacks, dress up, light candles, and turn on pleasant music. Even such a small change of scenery will allow you to switch and remember that you are not only parents, but also a husband and wife."

* HOW NOT TO TURN FAVORITES INTO RELATIVES

Long-term joint relationships allow us to discover new facets of relationships. Husband and wife become the dearest people to each other. Joyful and difficult moments of life pass together. However, over the years, getting involved as much as possible, “sprouting” into each other’s life, they get the fact of an inevitable “merger”. The partner becomes so close that he begins to identify with the relative. Consequently, sexual desire for him disappears.

Expert commentary: “If your relationship is harmonious, then after a few years of marriage you will become more than just lovers,” warns Vitaly AZUROV. - Your status rises higher and higher, and this should be appreciated. Now you are the main support and support for your partner. Some of the halves are actually not ready to fully open themselves and start a real family life. In such couples, relationships are built mainly on intimacy. If you are internally "stuck" in the status of lovers, then it will be very difficult to maintain a relationship after a few years. Over the years, you had to become not only bed partners, but also “soul mates”.

The value of family relationships is in the ability to support each other, listen to complaints, share joy and loss. However, there is a very thin line between supporting a partner and replacing your life with his being. In this case, your own hobbies and values ​​are replaced by the hobbies of your partner, and yours seem to “disappear”. As a result, over time, you, as a person, cease to be complete, which means that your partner will inevitably become bored with you. The relationship will move into the status of "brother-sister", and it will be extremely difficult to return from such a state. To prevent this from happening, often think about what your life is filled with: what are your true aspirations, hobbies, desires.

Combining marriage and intimate romance is, of course, not easy. But do not think that sooner or later in any marriage, sex ends. This will not happen if you make an effort to keep the passion."

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