We Will Agree On The Shore. Why Determine The Rules Of Family Life Before Marriage

We Will Agree On The Shore. Why Determine The Rules Of Family Life Before Marriage
We Will Agree On The Shore. Why Determine The Rules Of Family Life Before Marriage

Video: We Will Agree On The Shore. Why Determine The Rules Of Family Life Before Marriage

Video: Stages of Family Life: Crash Course Sociology #38 2022, November

Nizhny Novgorod Julia Irkhina waited a long time for her betrothed. At first, she built a career and earned her own housing. There was simply no time left for a serious relationship.


But one day Igor appeared in a woman's life. The guy was an interesting conversationalist, a kind person and a passionate lover. Julia could not resist, and soon Igor moved to her apartment. The common life did not cause much disagreement, but some habits from Igor's single life clearly did not suit his new life partner. First of all, this concerned Igor's relationship with his former lover. They parted quietly and peacefully and relatively long ago, but the young lady, as a friend, did not want to leave the life of a man.

Once Igor said that Natasha (that is the name of his ex) asked to take her to a distance from her younger brother in a pioneer camp. It turned out that Igor had already helped Natasha more than once and drove her in his car on various matters.

“I cut off that he no longer works for this lady as a personal driver, I made her call her ex and announce the new rules of communication,” said Yulia.

And she also insistently asked Igor not to take pictures with Natasha and forbade his ex-girlfriend to post their joint photos on social networks. According to Yulia, Igor could just call up and sometimes meet with Natalia, but there is no need to inform the whole world about it. The principled position of Julia, outlined before the wedding, concerned some aspects of cohabitation. Julia has deliberately not eaten meat for many years and asked her husband not to involve her in cooking meat dishes. As a result, the couple eats separately. The husband buys her own groceries and the wife hers. They also spend money on this from their own pockets, without spending the joint budget.

“It seems to me that it’s easier to honestly tell a person once:“Don’t do that more”than to be chronically dissatisfied with family life later,” says Julia.

I'll wait a little longer

But another Nizhny Novgorod girl, Arina Boreikina, inability to set the limits of what was permissible in time led to the collapse of the family. Arina met the future spouse Mikhail in the company of mutual friends. Many ladies liked the guy: tall, stately, with a sense of humor and good income. The girl fell in love with Misha at first sight. He seemed to reciprocate the pretty blonde. We started dating, then got married.

Arina from the very beginning of life together tried to please the chosen one. Only delicacies were always served on the table. That's just what a girl with a modest salary of the seller bought them for, Mikhail was never interested. Arina also did not stop the excessive love of a heart friend for the opposite sex. Well, some woman calls him at three in the morning on her mobile … So this is his girlfriend, he explained.

“I thought that if I started to put pressure on Misha on some issues, he would run away from me,” sighs Arina. - I wanted to get his favor at any cost, and then think about my interests. The future mother-in-law, and she is a rather tough person by nature, immediately told me: "You can't do that with Mishka. Tell him what's wrong. If you don't, she will quickly sit on your neck." In the end, it happened."

Soon the couple had a child. Arina went on maternity leave. There was not enough money. Mikhail earned good money, but over the years of his life with his wife, he was not particularly used to giving her money: she hadn’t asked before, she was somehow spinning herself. But it's one thing - not to buy something for yourself, another - to infringe on the only child. Arina more and more often asked her husband for "investments", and in return received a penny and disgruntled grumbling.

After the appearance of the baby, Arina began to fear that the child might be left without a father.Mikhail still paid much attention to the ladies. The girl began to increasingly ask her husband not to lavish compliments on everyone in a row and not to communicate on social networks with classmates and work colleagues.

“She began to nag me with or without reason,” complains Arina's now ex-husband. - Previously, it means that I, such and such, suited her in everything, but now - no. I packed my things and left. I would have known at once what she is - I would not have married!"

Perhaps Arina would not have spent five years of her life on a man and would not have raised a child alone today.

There is something to talk about

Psychologist Daria Vetrova:

“When we finally meet a loved one, it seems that now everything will turn out by itself. But a good family is a serious job. Ideally, you plan to be together forever. So why not discuss the most important life issues?

Children … You need to immediately discuss with your partner whether you want children, and if so, how many and when. I have met many couples who “broke down” on this, it would seem, in the first years of life, an unprincipled issue. The husband wants his wife to give birth, and she likes to build a career. Or the wife always dreamed of three, and the husband barely agreed to one child.

Do not give up your desires in the hope of persuading your partner later. If your views differ dramatically, your married life may not be happy.

Talking about money may be uncomfortable, but it's definitely worth dealing with. If you are sharing your life with someone, you should be aware of the person's financial situation. Your debts are also worth discussing. If you have loans, tell your partner about them.

Or take on daily habits. Some people like to lead an ascetic lifestyle, others prefer luxury. There is no right or wrong way to live - you just need to be honest with each other. In addition, by discussing the financial issue, you can understand how much each of you is willing to compromise.

And, of course, intimate life. Like everything else, a person's sexual preferences are individual and must be respected. This topic can also be embarrassing, but it is important to discuss it if you want to build a lasting, serious relationship."

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