On the eve of Valentine's Day, the correspondent of the website "AiF-Chelyabinsk" learned about this from the psychotherapist Andrei Babin and the director of the marriage agency Irina Kirsanova.
CHEL.AIF.RU, Natalya Zvereva: Is there a demand for marriage agency services today?
Kirsanova I.: Yes, our services are in demand. I will not lie, clients have become less frequent, but this is due solely to the economic situation. If a man does not feel stability and confidence in the future, he will not take on additional responsibility for someone. And the bulk of our clients are men. In total, the agency has about 30% of men and 70% of women. I would like to note that the female base tends to accumulate, while the male base does not. If everything is in order with a person and he is adequate in his claims, then it is easy for him to meet his soul mate. There are those who quickly find their own, but there are also those who have already been in the database for several years, made acquaintances dozens of times and still go on dates, but there is no sense in it.
"So that she was like a mother!"
Is it true that women look for men who look like their fathers, and men look for women who look like mothers?
Babin A.: Absolutely true. We are programmed. The first female image in the memory of a man is the image of a mother. Whether he wants it or not. Therefore, the life scenario will be quite tough: the character of the future bride or wife will repeat the character of the mother. And no matter how many marriages in a man's life happen, the rake will be the same.
Kirsanova I.: And in fact, the husband will sort things out not with his wife, but with his mother. And the wife is with her father.
Where is the best place to meet today? Is there such a list of treasured places for singles?
Kirsanova I.: It is not the place that is important, but the state of the person. He is either ready in a new relationship or not. And this state is written on his face. The person must be filled. And you can always see what he intends to do - take or give. I do not mean the financial component. If a person has not closed the door to past relationships, has not dealt with his tragedies, and in his eyes there is ashes and melancholy, hardly anyone will "bite" at him. If a woman goes into the world with the attitude “All men are goats!”, Then one hundred percent of her will meet just such, because she only sees them.
Babin A.: Indeed, you can get acquainted anywhere - on the street, in a cafe or a library - it doesn't matter. By the way, it's very good that there are dating sites: the Internet is a great opportunity to get acquainted for those who are afraid of publicity.
But there is a risk that upon meeting a man will turn out to be not at all the wonderful stranger for whom he pretended to be in Internet correspondence?
Babin A.: There is always risk in everything. At the meeting, the human factor can play a role. People will understand that they have nothing to talk about. Moreover, it will be unpleasant if a woman comes on a date with an unwashed head, and a man smells from under his armpits.
"Don't forget to take off the ring."
How to attract the attention of a man?
Kirsanova I.: Oh, this is very easy, and special techniques have been developed for this. For example, you are walking down the street or in a shopping mall and you see a handsome man. Look at him stubbornly for several seconds, without taking his eyes from him, full of interest. He walks by, you turn around. If he also turned around, then smile and ask any question. Then the matter is simple. All in your hands! And do not forget to remove the ring from your ring finger if you are going to get acquainted. Many women wear rings often, even if they are divorced or widowed. This is their mistake.
Let's talk about why marriages break up? Because today's youth is easier to enter into relationships?
Kirsanova I.: 50% of marriages break up before reaching the five-year mark and regardless of where and how people met. Hence, the main motive for marriage was love. The fact is that falling in love makes it easier to get into a relationship. The criticism zone does not work at this time.
Babin A.: Not everyone is inclined to understand why family life did not work out. For men, for example, it is easier to quit and leave. They have friends, vodka, so they rarely turn to psychotherapists for help. Women come to me more often, and the first thing I do is always try to help them, tell them what is wrong and how to strengthen the marriage. I can tell you that love has four stages. The first is primitive, its motto is "Give me!" This is an enslaving, consumer, child marriage. Then comes the teenage stage, "You - me, I - you!". At this stage, people reason like this: "Why am I going to smile at you if you don't smile at me?" Then the third stage may follow (or may not come), it is more like parental love for their children, when a person gives more than receives. But he still hopes that his feeling will someday return to him a hundredfold from a partner. The highest degree of love is the fourth, when you love not a person, but your feelings for him.