Departing nature: How to return a man who left you The heroine of the national comedy Let's Get Divorced, absorbed in work and worries about the maintenance of the family, accidentally learns about her husband's betrayal. After that, he, having collected his things, goes to his mistress.
In an attempt to return her escaped spouse, the heroine does a lot of stupid things and even turns to the magician for a love spell. However, in the end, he comes to the conclusion that no tragedy happened to her. You can raise children without a husband, and loneliness is not so scary.
How do you behave in real life in such a situation? Is it worth trying to get a man back? And if so, how?
1st stage. Oh, I'm poor, unhappy
In no case should you:
howl, rush to the walls, spend hours complaining to friends about your hard lot. And also to cut off the phone of a loved one, tearfully begging to return or expressing what kind of bastard he really is. Do not try to look for meetings with him, and even more so - beg him for a date.
Why?
Any communication with a departed man now will only aggravate your breakup, experts say. You are too resentful to be objective. The meeting will surely end with a quarrel, which will only strengthen your beloved in the correctness of his deed. Therefore, first, get rid of negative emotions in relation to your ex-husband or friend. Otherwise, you will again build walls between each other, and not bridges.
What to do?
- Try to break the fixation on your escaped prince. Until then, exclude all kinds of contacts. You need to curb the negative emotions that are now raging in your soul. Try to think about him as little as possible, and for this you need to occupy your thoughts with other things, - advises Moscow psychologist Irina Yartseva
2nd stage. Well, I'm so scary
In no case should you:
in a fit of despair, wave a hand at yourself. Many, finding themselves in the role of an abandoned woman, stop taking care of themselves, dressing up and preening: "For whom?" But even if some attempts are made to dress up, then, as a rule, to no avail.
For some reason, a fashionable dress sits like a saddle on a cloven-hoofed animal, and men do not turn their heads in your direction, even despite the stunning hairstyle. Where did the former attraction go?
Why?
Your attractiveness disappeared along with your confidence and is buried under the rubble of collapsed self-esteem. And, if you want to return your former happiness or find it with someone else, then you need to extract your attractiveness from under these ruins.
What to do?
First of all, try to raise your self-esteem above the level of the baseboard, to which it has slipped in recent days. This will take time. Three days are enough for someone, and a month for someone.
Experts recommend one well-known exercise - the so-called meditation on an imaginary partner.
- In order to temporarily forget about your life partner who has left you, you must try to think about someone else. Why choose among unfamiliar men any that you prefer, and start fantasizing about your general relationship with him, advises Irina Yartseva.
If this man is also familiar to you, even if only superficially, you can reinforce your fantasies about him with actions. Of course, not too decisive: an open, benevolent smile, a little coquetry with the Word, behave with him as if you firmly know that he likes him.
Also, start looking around with interest at strangers. Just do not try to spy out a potential partner among them. The expression of concentrated search and expectation, which in this case will be painted on your face, will certainly scare off any representative of the stronger sex.
- Do this exercise for at least a week. Although it is possible that someone will need a little more time, - the psychologist advises
But soon you will feel that your sense of self begins to change, and the men around you will immediately react to it.
3rd stage. Nobody but him
In no case should you:
dwell on the fact that you will never be able to love someone else, and therefore not take at least some steps to change your life. A woman who has convinced herself of this simply proudly remains faithful to her beloved who has left in the hope that he will appreciate her and will certainly return. This is the biggest mistake, experts are sure. A man will never return to an abandoned woman if she remains as she was!
Why?
He simply does not need the former you, or maybe unbearable. Otherwise, he would never have left. Therefore, you need to try to get the most out of the situation, realizing the main mistakes, so as not to repeat them in the future. To do this, you need to change your own attitude towards many things.
What do we have to do?
To change yourself in the right direction, you need to count on and tune in to the fact that he will never return, and from now on you will have to live without him. This will allow you to completely free yourself from your dependence on it.
- To do this, you should try to give yourself as much positive emotions as possible. Since their main source - the beloved man - is not yet available, learn to enjoy smaller things: food, clothes, entertainment, etc. Buy yourself goodies, beautiful things, have fun in companies, - advises Irina Yartseva.
Just do not confuse the fun with the "departure", during which the abandoned lady strives to pump herself up with wine as quickly as possible and start complaining to those present about her hard lot.
In general, try to live not in anticipation of the return of a departed man, but for the sake of your own joys, getting pleasure from life.
This, by the way, will also have a beneficial effect on your attractiveness, which men will surely appreciate.
4th stage. You and me, yes you and me
In no case should you:
do not try to renew the old relationship. However, if you feel that resentment is no longer bubbling in your heart like an erupting volcano, you can think of some plausible and convincing excuse to meet.
You should not make an appointment in those places where you used to love to be together. Everything that once bound you must be forgotten!
Why?
All your past relationships, even their most pleasant moments, are still associated with negative emotions. You need to make him forget them carefully. Therefore, you should not remind him of any moments from the past. Even if they were once pleasant.
All this will only irritate him and aggravate the situation.
For you, as you were at the time of separation, the man most likely has a persistent rejection. And it won't be easy to overcome. Your assurances that you have changed will do nothing. Your prince may not even be listening to you when you meet. He will simply ignore them. Consider that he has developed persistent negative reflexes on you, which extend to absolutely everything that once connected you. Therefore, nothing should remind him of your previous relationship.
What do we have to do?
We must try to forget everything that happened before and avoid any hints at any events in the past. But the main thing is to change internally. Although external changes will not hurt. You need to make sure that your "prodigal" friend or spouse does not immediately recognize in you the one from whom he fled. And if from the first meeting you manage to establish communication on a completely new wave, most likely you will be able to return the old relationship. Rather, they will not be the same. The main thing is that they should not become such.
- In general, now everything should be different in relations with him, everything to the smallest detail (more precisely, especially in the little things)! In fact, for him it should be a new romance with another woman. Yes, and for you it will be an affair with another man - advises Irina Yartseva.
True, it is possible that, having reached a complete renewal, you suddenly, like the heroine of "Let's get divorced", will find that you do not really need the renewal of old love.
In this case, you really should not try to enter the old river - now a lot of streams will open before you. But the experience you have gained during this time will certainly come in handy in your further sailing on the seas of love.
