All week the media trumpeted the secret wedding of 51-year-old actress Robin Wright, who became famous on the television series House of Cards, to 30-year-old VIP relations manager of French fashion Loma Yves Saint Laurent - Clement Giraud. The paparazzi photographed the couple at a football match and drew attention to the wedding rings. It was later revealed that Wright and Giraud have been married for three months. According to the Daily Mail, the couple got engaged in late December and later went on Christmas break to Tahoe Island. Friends of the couple say that Giraud has an excellent relationship with Wright's relatives, including her 24-year-old son (from his marriage to Sean Penn - ed.).
More recently, the media also reported that the popular 44-year-old model Heidi Klum is dating the 28-year-old Tokio Hotel guitarist Tom Kaulitz. Klum was married twice, but both marriages ended in divorce. Today Klum is raising four children. This is not the first relationship of the model in which she prefers younger men. Prior to that, for three years, Klum met with art dealer Vito Schnabel. He was 14 years younger than the model.
Contrary to critics, the Hollywood trend towards relationships in which a woman is older than her partner has already spread “among the people,” including in countries with a conservative culture. In early 2018, public attention was drawn to the story of a 38-year-old Chinese citizen who married her 23-year-old boyfriend, whom she had allegedly been dating for eight years. Moreover, the bride was already "deeply pregnant" at the wedding ceremony. The parents of the newly-made groom did not like the daughter-in-law, who, by the way, is only one year younger than the mother-in-law. But only until the moment she gave them 5 million yuan (784 thousand dollars - editor's note) as a "wedding gift", several valuable real estate objects and a Ferrari sports car. It turned out that the young man's chosen one was a successful business woman.
The tendency for relationships in which the woman is older can be called the first results of the global “anti-Ege” campaign. Today all over the world, including in Russia, women increasingly want to tie the knot with a partner younger than themselves. And if we take into account only marriages of different ages, then the model "adult man - young woman" is replaced by another - "mature woman - young man", clinical psychologist and candidate of sciences Luciya Suleimanova told MIR 24 in an interview. The expert immediately made a reservation that marriages of different ages include those in which the partner is at least 8 years older. And, despite the "fashion" in all respects, where there is such a difference in age, there are advantages and disadvantages that you need to work with.
“There are two main motives that lead women in such a situation. Firstly, it is, in a sense, the realization of the maternal instinct, and secondly, the desire to receive a charge of vigor and youth from a young person, to get a sense of the fullness of life. We are talking about marriages in which the difference exceeds a dozen. In such cases, social, psychological and other difficulties can await us. And marriages where the age difference is less than 8 years, on the contrary, according to statistics, are quite strong,”Suleymanova said.
How can a woman determine that a young man is building a relationship with her not because of material gain, but because she is interesting to him as a person? The psychologist recommends paying attention to the family of the chosen one.If he grew up in an incomplete family, he was too much cared for, and at school was considered the "hope" of the class and the favorite of all teachers, then it is highly likely that he pursues only material goals. But if a man is used to developing independently throughout his life, then there is nothing strange in the fact that he fell in love with a companion 10 or 15 years older. In such partners, men are attracted by the fact that an experienced woman will not now and then pull the blanket over herself and compete in solving all issues.
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“Men tend to look for development opportunities. Usually, in such couples, a woman is not necessarily very rich and influential, but she has reached some heights, is confident, strong, pragmatic and active. She looks more closely at her partner, she is more experienced and no longer "fights" and does not compete to no avail. It's not only about comfort and submission, but also about how to live well with a person who is sensitive to your desires and moods. If a man is not stupid, he will use this relationship to move up. In every sense. Worse, if a man has become a victim of the ubiquitous Russian upbringing, which is both at home and at school, and everywhere we have exclusively female - then he may be looking for some kind of replacement for his mother, someone who will take care of him. And it is unlikely that such a man can offer anything to an adult, demanding and intelligent woman. Obviously, such a couple will not be able to have a long-term relationship,”added Suleimanova.
The psychologist names three main problems faced by couples in which the woman is older. First of all, one of the problems is related to the fact that there is still a strong negative assessment from the society in Russia. And, as a rule, it does not come from strangers, as is commonly thought, but from those closest to them - from the family.
“80% of Russians have a negative attitude towards marriages in which a woman is much older than her husband. A man in such a pair immediately falls into the category of "gigolo", at least in the public mind. The main danger in this comes from a close circle. "Throw your grandmother", "sooner or later he will go to the young one anyway, are you crazy?" - this is what men and women in unequal marriages hear from all sides. And this pressure is often very strong. If you add together physical condition and pressure from the outside, you also have such a thing as jealousy. Because a young man in the long run is in a clearly more advantageous position,”said the expert.
Despite the fact that the sex life of women is longer than that of men, problems with sex cannot be avoided if the partner of a young man is already over 50. But, as you know, no one is immune from sexual problems, in principle. “As far as physics is concerned, everything is solvable. Children can always be adopted, and everyone knows the wonders of modern cosmetology and plastic surgery. A modern 50-year-old well-groomed woman can look as beautiful as she likes, and there are many such examples. Sex is more difficult. Here temperament plays a role, and the age difference, and age itself. Let's say I've never heard a complaint from a 45-year-old woman who has a relationship with a 30-year-old. But there are complaints about the abundance of sex in couples 50+ and 35, respectively, "- said Suleimanova.
And the third problem that any couple of different ages may face is the difference in the "cultural code", it manifests itself in relationships when the candy-bouquet period ends.
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“And, of course, there are problems that directly affect the couple. If the age difference is large enough, then the difference in the so-called "cultural code" will certainly emerge. Different books and films that shaped you, different tempo, different interests. During the first year, you frankly will not notice this: because hormones will do all the work for you.But then you have to comply,”said the psychologist.
But all these problems, says the psychologist, are still solvable. First of all, a woman needs to stop reacting to imaginary anxiety on the part of friends, relatives and environment. And the most important thing is to correspond to the rhythm of life of your young chosen one.
“The most important advice is to close your eyes and ears from all those“well-wishers”who, of course, sincerely love you and are worried from the bottom of their hearts. Do not react to sympathy from the outside: all these "he will leave anyway" are essentially just programming you to fail. Be in good physical shape. Living with a young man means being able to maintain his rhythm of life. It’s not only and not so much about an ideal body, but about ease of recovery, the ability to support the interests of your man and maintain the pace of life typical of youth. Just don't do all this "in his name." Do it for yourself. Try to honestly figure out what he is interested in: sports, photography, computer games. If it turned out that a woman in a couple is actually more successful, in no case should you reproach your partner with money. If your man is worried about this, offer him a real plan, support emotionally. And one more important rule in such a marriage: do not fixate on competitors. This is the road to nowhere.
“I don’t want to talk sweet-sugary about love, but, let's say, wrinkles do not matter much. Optimism, activity, energy - that's what really attracts at any age,”said Suleymanova.
In 2013, American sociologists from Harvard University already conducted a study, during which they found out that women choose men five years older than themselves to meet and create a family. Experts analyzed 35,942 people on the dating site between the ages of 30 and 49, and it turned out that women were five times more likely to show interest in men five years younger than they were five years older.
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