Are There Norms And Frameworks In Bed

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Are There Norms And Frameworks In Bed
Are There Norms And Frameworks In Bed

Video: Are There Norms And Frameworks In Bed

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This is a delicate and interesting topic for discussion. But who knows for certain which criteria determine the norm and where is that red line that cannot be crossed? Sexopathologist Mikhail DVORKIN tells about whether there are any restrictions in bed, what can be considered a deviation and whether it is worth sounding the alarm or running to a specialist because of this.

In such a sensitive issue as sexual relations, it is difficult to define general norms that would suit everyone without exception. There are no scientific papers or rule books published for general use on this topic. What one couple considers to be ordinary bed games, the other will take for deviations and dubbed the spoken partners perverts. Therefore, the norms in sex, if they exist, are in the head of every person.

“Imagine that you will be obliged to observe the dress code every day, not allowing you to change any of the accessories,” says sex therapist Mikhail DVORKIN. - All the time one and the same clothes, without the opportunity to emphasize their individuality. Would you like the dressing process then? I think no. You would treat it as inevitable. The ritual of putting on clothes is a creative process, people choose (or, better to say, pick up) accessories in which they will feel comfortable, confident and will make the very impression on those around them that they would like.

The same goes for sex. In this reciprocal process, two people determine for themselves those actions and those affections that they like. At the same time, it is quite possible that other couples will not like the same thing. And not only will they not like it, but will be judged as unacceptable behavior. Can this be considered a deviation? My answer is no! If two people are excited by certain actions that are generally unacceptable, but at the same time they do not pose any threat to the life and health of partners, then this cannot be automatically considered a deviation from the norm. In my opinion, within the framework of a single bed, there are no and cannot be norms of intimate relationships. But there are conditions that must be met."


Specialist comment:

“It is very important to never resort to violent actions in a relationship with a partner,” says Mikhail DVORKIN. - The scenario, which is conceived by one partner in a pair, should be equally attractive to him and to her. Otherwise, for example, he will enjoy, and she will endure. Or vice versa.

Both partners should be equally interested in unusual fun in their bed. If one considers what is happening "beautiful", and the second sees in this a certain amount of perversion, then each of them has their own norms and they need to either agree with each other, or, which most often happens, look for a partner for themselves. For those who are now in the position of a victim of experimentation, I give advice - to end this and look for another relationship. Constant deviations from your norm are fraught with a decrease in self-esteem and the development of a mental disorder. Addiction is unlikely to happen here, so don't waste your time risking ruining your life."


Specialist comment:

“It is important that only two lovers should participate in the process, no onlookers who happen to be nearby should be,” says Mikhail DVORKIN. - In this case, we can call the ethical side of the sexual process the norm. No matter how much you want, due to your peculiarities, for someone from the passers-by to become an accidental witness of your lovemaking, you should not allow this in any case. You cannot shock people by deliberately showing them what they are not ready to see. Even if you have a need for it and your norms allow it.

Try to approach the sexual ordinance as fun for others, think of others, not just yourself.Let me draw your attention to this point again: what suits one person can become a psychological trauma for others. And the sudden appearance of such pictures live will add fear and disgust to the process itself."


Specialist comment:

“The third important point. Whatever the actions in bed, they must exclude trauma - both physical and psychological, - insists Mikhail DVORKIN. - Also, there should be no hint of harm to health or a threat to life for both partners. This applies to everything - the place for making love, and the postures taken, and the moment of protection (for some it is the norm to make love with a condom, but for some it is unacceptable), and the use of all sorts of intimate devices. On this topic, I (yes, probably, you) know many stories with a bad ending.

The norm is that people should have fun while making love. If instead they endure pain, humiliation, or longing, that is a deviation. And if the partner uses only the missionary position and behaves tenderly and reverently towards the partner, and this does not give her any pleasure, then here it is necessary to look for a new mutually reinforcing norm."

According to Mikhail DVORKIN, these three important parameters are the norms that cannot be violated. Everything else is at the discretion of the partners themselves. It is they who jointly decide what suits them and what should be taken as deviations.

The sexopathologist characterizes the deviations that need treatment as follows.

* "Nothing excites me"

Specialist comment:

“If, in the prime of life, between the ages of 20 and 65, a man or woman is not aroused by anything, then they should definitely see a specialist,” says Mikhail DVORKIN. - This, in my opinion, is a serious deviation, in the treatment of which it is impossible to hesitate.

Let's turn to metaphysics. Sexual energy in a person arises from desire. He sees the object, gets excited, and in a positive vector of the development of events exchanges sexual energy with a representative of the opposite sex. In the process, he gets rid of negative energy and receives a particle of the partner's energy, which motivates him, making life complete. If all this happens regularly, then people have a release of bad energy and a charge of good energy. They feel comfortable and confident all the time.

What does a person look like if he has no attraction to the opposite sex and, as a result, has no negative emission or energy metabolism? He is angry and unhappy. In my opinion, he is vegetating and withering, and he urgently needs a specialist who will help change his life. Lack of sex life is a deviation from the norm, and in this case, treatment is necessary."


Specialist comment:

“This situation can also be considered a deviation from the norm,” says Mikhail DVORKIN. - A person is constantly in an agitated state and is looking for an object for sexual relations. If this happens before the age of 25-26, then you should not rush to the examination; but if a similar condition continues after this age, then specialist intervention is necessary.

Such stress on the body wears out the organs, partially disables the brain and, of course, negatively affects the nervous system. People find it difficult to do the necessary things, they think about only one thing. Such erotomania can drive a person crazy if he does not turn to specialists for help in time”.

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