"The Book" 50 Shades Of Gray "gave Us A Lot Of Problems" And Other Revelations Of Sexologists

"The Book" 50 Shades Of Gray "gave Us A Lot Of Problems" And Other Revelations Of Sexologists
"The Book" 50 Shades Of Gray "gave Us A Lot Of Problems" And Other Revelations Of Sexologists

Video: "The Book" 50 Shades Of Gray "gave Us A Lot Of Problems" And Other Revelations Of Sexologists

Video: 50 SHADES OF ... Nastya Yurasova & ... (Feel-M) 2022, December

The American edition of Buzzfeed asked sexologists what they do and what is interesting in their work. They said that you can even shock them, shared the most frequent experiences of patients and complained about harm from the "50 shades of gray".


Source: Buzzfeed

1. We don't watch couples having sex

We are therapists, not sexual technique trainers. Our job is to solve problems: help people talk about sex, help individuals feel more confident about sex, and work through more serious problems in love and relationships. We're not standing in the corner of a bedroom with a whiteboard and a pen.

2. We do not have sex with patients

Sex surrogates or surrogate partners are another matter entirely. They work closely with individuals who have sex problems, so their work may include having sex with clients. Patients and I only talk about sex, not translate it into practice.

3. People don't understand how to react when we tell them what we are doing.

And mostly they answer something inappropriate: for example, "Oh, you could help me!" or "Well, I don't need a sexologist, I'm just lying all the time." Look, we just met at a party, we don't need to know that about you.

4. Sometimes we use clear photographs to explain concepts and to reassure people.

Sometimes the only way to explain something is to use crisp, graphic photographs. Some couples do not like to look at them, but when people realize that there is a variety of genital sizes, figures, sexual positions, actual sexual intercourse and different options, then their self-esteem can grow.

5. We show patients tables and diagrams so that people can better understand the anatomy of their partners.

We sometimes use 3D models. It is difficult to satisfy a partner if you do not know how his body works. For example, many men believe that the cervix is ​​outside the vagina and this can lead to embarrassing situations.

6. We work a lot with older people

Many retirement couples notice that their sex lives gradually dwindle over the years, and worry that they will never have sex again if nothing is done about it. We usually offer these couples exercises to help them reconnect, from holding hands and hugging to kissing and more intimate touching.

7. We also have a lot of couples whose sex life went to the bottom after having children.

Doctors, of course, say that six weeks after giving birth it is already possible to have sex, but this does not mean that everything immediately returns to its place. A woman may be in pain, she may feel insecure, or both partners are simply too tired. We often comfort young parents and reassure them that this situation is normal.

8. Many problems are solved simply by talking about them with a partner.

There are couples who have sex but are hesitant to discuss in detail what they like best. This can turn people off from sex, they stop having fun, but they never ask their partner to change their technique. Our sessions help people be honest about what they want.

9. Our clients have never examined their bodies, so they don't know exactly what they like.

Masturbating and exploring yourself (including looking at your genitals in front of a mirror) can help you get to know your body better and understand what it needs. This, in turn, will help put together a sensitive point guide for your partner.

10. Relationships without sex are perceived as taboo.

But if both partners feel comfortable without sex, then why should they? For some reason, it is believed that living without sex is terrible, but it happens that even very loving couples, for various reasons, get by with a platonic relationship, and we help patients come to terms with this.

11. "50 Shades of Gray" has given us a lot of problems

Upset couples suddenly began to come to us, in which one partner, having read "50 shades", tried to realize in practice the fantasies associated with them, and the second did not want this. There is no clear or useful information in these books on how to start experimenting with BDSM. Such practices need to be approached very carefully and tactfully.

12. Our work requires a good sense of humor.

Sometimes our patients say very funny things, especially when it comes to misconceptions about anatomy (“I touched her ovaries!”). And we even take the funniest cases outside of work, but we will never tell anyone your name or tell the details of your sex life.

13. Sometimes we just don't know what to say.

As soon as it seems to us that we have already heard and seen everything in general, someone will certainly surprise us with a new fetish. Of course, it's hard to shock us, but if you say that you use wooden spoons while masturbating to old episodes of the cooking show with Gordon Ramsay, it will still take us a couple of seconds to collect our thoughts.

14. Our work can be emotionally draining.

Sexual problems do not appear out of nowhere, and sometimes we listen to stories of traumatic events that happened to our patients. Of course, we've been taught to deal with this, but it can be painful.

15. We do not ask patients to share their fantasies.

We can offer to write down your fantasies and discuss them with your partner if you like it, but you do not need to tell us your dark, secret, atypical desires - of course, if you do not want to.

16. Women often admit that they are frustrated not being able to have an orgasm "for real"

By "real" they mean penetration. But the reality is that the clitoris and vaginal opening are not always positioned in such a way that this is possible. Many women feel insecure when they please themselves during sex. We are trying very hard to explain that there are no "real", correct and even less wrong ways to do something.

17. Men usually complain of problems with erection and ejaculation

Porn can give the impression that all men have large penises and it is easy for them to maintain an erection for hours, and in the end they have no problem getting an orgasm. It can also feel like you're not masculine enough if things don't go as you would like. If the patient has physiological problems, we refer him to the appropriate doctor.

18.Women may experience dryness and pain during intercourse as they age.

Again, this is completely normal and does not mean that you are not attracted to your partner or that you are not aroused. But it will take some time to come to terms with age-related physical changes and understand what causes them. Fortunately, lubricants do exist.

19. A common problem is the mismatch of sexual requests.

If one partner needs more sex than the other, then he often gets offended when he is rejected. To resolve this situation, you need to learn to come to a compromise. You can find ways not to push the other away: kissing, hugging, and somehow still showing intimacy.

20. People are actively encouraged to have an amazing, ideal sex life.

There are many strange opinions about how much sex a “typical” person should have. Some people make appointments in panic because they have sex four times a week, and used to do it every day. Although we are sexologists, we are the first to admit that sex is not all life.

21.The most common question we get asked is, "Am I normal?"

There can be different variations: "Do I have enough sex?" or "Is this duration of intercourse normal?" All these questions have a simple answer: nothing is normal! Instead of trying to fit into the standards seen on TV, in magazines, or in pornography, research what you want, what you like, and what specific preferences you have.

22. Your genitals are okay. Fair

Many patients are shy about their genitals and think they look “weird”, especially when compared to porn actors. We have diagrams, drawings and photographs that show how different people's penises and vaginas are. It helps.

23. Don't assume that laughter and sex are incompatible.

If sex becomes a serious matter or even a problem (since you've even started therapy about it), then people feel some kind of pressure. Laughter helps relieve this tension and put everything back in place. Role playing and sex toys are a great way to get started, just don't go too far and dress like a clown (unless that's your dream).

24. We are truly happy when we are able to help people solve their problems.

When patients return, we understand from their easy gait and smiles that everything is going well. Keep it up!

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