Alena Kotovich, columnist, blogger
I have a friend - a psychotherapist, and so, she tells me that everything needs to be treated more simply, and cites as an example the family of a trucker who cheated on his wife almost out of duty, like he was forced to. And the wife survived her husband's betrayal when she understood a simple truth. It turns out that no reflections are needed, everything is very simple: well, okay, I apologized, I understood everything, I realized, there will be no more - you shouldn't ruin everything because of fleeting weakness.
I wondered: maybe she was right? And if a person stumbled only once, is it worth forgiving and understanding? After all, usually both are to blame for treason, if you look at the situation from the outside and soberly.
It is even necessary to forgive if a person sincerely asks for forgiveness and clearly realizes what he has done and can lose. At the same time, he does not blame the other half for everything that happened and broke off relations with the object of his adventures.
Very often, cheating is a good shake-up that allows you to refresh the relationship, reflect and even work on mistakes. But all this is only if you have not encountered an infusoria in the guise of a person who does not understand the word "Fidelity". And there are such people, and there is nothing to appeal to, all the arguments remain outside their consciousness and picture of the world.
Those who have gone through the betrayal of partners say that at the moment of realizing this fact, control over oneself is completely lost, jealousy and resentment overwhelm the soul, it is very difficult to control oneself, but it is necessary to do this in order to avoid hostilities with bloodshed.
That is, the first advice in such situations is not to make a decision right away.
Now it is more and more civilized: rivers of insults are pouring, suitcases are packed, a decision is made to divorce, all friends and relatives are informed about this.
Second advice: realize that it is never too late to get a divorce, and therefore it is better to try not to hack in the heat. Very often, efforts are in vain, but at least in old age you will not be tormented by remorse for not forgiving and not understanding a loved one because of stupid pride.
Tip three: take it easy and give yourself a gift. It could be a new haircut or car, a gym membership, or a vacation you couldn't afford before. Any ways that will cheer up and make you forget the insult are good.
Advice four: if you have cooled down even a little, you need a frank conversation. Scandals with packing up suitcases and smashing dishes will not solve the problem. It is important to find out the reason for the betrayal and understand whether the guilty person speaks sincerely and whether he really wants to stay in the family.
Last but not least, if you decide to forgive, make a promise to yourself not to remember what happened. If you cannot restrain yourself, then it is better to leave now, since scandals and reproaches will in any case lead to separation, you will only waste time and nerves.
It is very important to remember that life goes on. Even if reconciliation is impossible and your resentment and pride overlaps all the good that you had before the betrayal, think about the fact that there are a million ways in life to become a happy person.
Omar Khayyam has wonderful words on this score: "You can seduce a man who has a wife, you can seduce a man who has a mistress, but you cannot seduce a man who has a beloved woman!" I guess there is a lot to think about, and this applies to both genders.