More and more inhabitants of megalopolises find their "halves" on the Internet. Often, correspondence on dating sites even leads to marriage. We asked psychologists how to choose the right partner on the Internet, what to look for first of all, and how to recognize inveterate "virtualists" who are not ready for a real relationship.
Three photos and four words According to experts, it is best to start your presentation with a photo. It is advisable for girls to upload at least three successful pictures. The first is portrait with a benevolent facial expression. On the second, you can show yourself in full growth, and on the third, you can share live emotions in real life, be it a walk with a dog or a vacation in the mountains. It is advisable to choose a positively charged photograph that would appeal to you and your friends. If you are looking for a serious relationship, in no case should you post candid photos or pictures in a swimsuit. There will be many offers, but they will hardly suit you. Those who limit themselves to one photo may go unnoticed.
Men should also post their successful pictures, but those that show that he is socially active, full of energy and in demand in his environment. For example, in the gym, driving. The more exotic ones are also suitable: on horseback or in the desert. It will show you as a versatile and socially active person. Psychologists note that appearance is not so important for men, the main thing is activity and success.
So, the photos are ready. What to write about yourself in the questionnaire? Psychologists advise neither women nor men to write their full biography and plans for the future. A few bright phrases are enough and it is best to do it with humor. Girls might write something like "I love to travel, drive and bake pancakes." You should not write in detail about yourself - otherwise your chosen one or chosen one may decide that you are a bore. Experts advise to leave the details for a closer acquaintance. You want the person on the other side of the screen to want to get to know you better.
And when looking through other people's profiles, we must not forget that on the Internet people embellish themselves, starting with photos and ending with opportunities and "regalia". "Intuition should work, but not all of them are developed. A huge number of people take wishful thinking," warns Yevgeny Zotkina, candidate of psychological sciences, sexologist, member of the Russian Scientific Sexological Society. With someone you need to reduce the distance in order to see the best in a person. And with someone you never need to reduce it, because as long as the distance is maintained, the person appears as he wants to teach himself."
How to choose? Both women and men who want to build a serious relationship, in the column "purpose of acquaintance" must necessarily write "love, relationships, family and marriage." Psychologists note that children are an important point - subsequently, due to different views on this issue, the couple may part. You can write briefly about the qualities of the desired partner.
Men who want to get a lot of feedback are advised by psychologists to write that they are looking for a woman who will be respected and taken care of.
What to look for When the questionnaire is ready, you can go in search. And here it is important not to miss some "talking" nuances. You can learn a lot about a person just by carefully reviewing his profile. For example, if a woman writes that she is looking for a self-sufficient, successful and wealthy man, she selects a person who will support her. If a man writes that he is looking for a "normal" woman who will take care of him, this may mean that he considers all his exes to be abnormal and sooner or later will respond in the same way about you. People often get pierced by such little things.
Psychologists advise on such sites to talk about yourself as honestly as possible. "Sometimes people who are not completely confident in themselves in real life go online. Instead of developing themselves as a person, a person presents an unreal image to his partner. And in the final, destruction occurs when two people meet and do not meet each other's expectations at all.. Many people work out their complexes and remain in some kind of safety, "- said a psychiatrist, postgraduate student of the Department of Psychiatry and Narcology, Clinic of Psychiatry. Korsakova Anna Kulikova.
To choose the most Psychologists advise the girls who have drawn up the questionnaire, not only to respond to incoming messages, but to look at the questionnaire itself. The fact is that many men who are busy and rarely visit the site may not be the first to write. As a rule, they choose girls by their appearance and often bump into women who are looking for "sponsors".
Men who interest you can write something about his photographs or somehow comment on his story about himself. If, for example, he writes that he wants to jump with a parachute, you can write that you have already jumped, but you will not risk repeating this trick. If you liked the photo of the chosen one or the chosen one, but nothing is indicated in the profile, you can directly ask who they are looking for on this site. The very presence on the site is already something in common that can unite. Psychologists advise to keep light and polite correspondence.
Insults are not a reason to delete your account It is possible that you can write something offensive, rude or offer sex. This should never be taken personally. For example, if a man writes to a girl something negative about her appearance, this speaks primarily of his complexes and insolvency. Especially often such negative reviews are received by girls who declare that they are looking for successful young people. A failed man can write something like: "with such an appearance and such requests." But in fact, he shows his inner complexes - perhaps once some woman reproached him for insolvency, etc.
Such people just need to be blacklisted right away.
Meet as soon as possible It is not worth prolonging the correspondence so that it does not turn into an online romance. If, after talking, you understand that you are sympathetic to the person, you can exchange phones and first call, and then make an appointment. The most common mistake that people face on dating sites is when they are simply sucked there like in a quagmire, psychologists say. And instead of building real living relationships, they begin to drag out the correspondence, the novel on the network can last for weeks or even months.
A real person with serious intentions is not in the mood for long network communication. If a person is constantly postponing the meeting, citing lack of time or does not give a phone number, he is wasting your time in this way. Over time, it may turn out that he himself is married and on the site he simply receives attention that he lacks at home.
How to behave on the first date Psychologists advise to put the first date in a clear time frame - in case you do not have to figure out how to leave before the dessert is brought. For example, a girl might say that she has an hour of free time at lunchtime. If you don't like your partner, this will save you from an unpleasant pastime, and if the communication is interesting, it will increase his interest.
"For the first date, you can choose a wardrobe in advance, think about the appearance and work out a list of topics that can be discussed," advises Kulikova."You can arrange a date in a familiar place to reduce anxiety - not go on an extreme hike in the mountains, but chat in a cafe."
To build strong relationships, experts advise keeping your distance initially. “Many women put themselves in a position, admitting the possibility of the absence of a candy-bouquet period,” explains Kulikova. “On dating sites, this moment of conquest is leveled. A man feels more approachable. the value of this relationship to the partner may be diminished."
Sergey, 31 years old, chose a wife on a social network. My mother met her second husband on a dating site. It was 16 years ago, then it was a novelty. I remember how she invited her friend "to the Internet", and they sat together on these sites. Previously, it was not as easy as it is now - more romantic and human. As a result, she got married, she and her stepfather had a happy marriage, two children were born.
I also decided to try my luck on the Internet. But at first he did not want a serious relationship and just met a couple of times. And then it was difficult to "get off" from this - this ease is addictive: you go to the site, set all the parameters: age, etc., set the goal of dating - for example, "for sex" or "romantic meetings". Sometimes I wanted a serious relationship, but it didn't work out. And then all this started to get boring, and I decided to look for something more serious, but already in social networks.
I entered the parameters I needed - age, city and looked through the girls. I chose girls only from Moscow. I had such a fad - you are not going to meet in another city. I had a lot of prejudices. Then I lived alone in a three-room apartment, was very suspicious and was afraid that they would marry me for the sake of the apartment. Sometimes I even put a specific name that I like. That time I chose girls named Marina.
One of them answered, and we began to correspond, and a few days later I flew to Egypt. For these two weeks we talked every day. During this time, we have strengthened our emotional connection, we learned a lot about each other. When you communicate online, you create an image. You do not see the flaws and draw something in your head.
I flew in and we agreed to meet. The first time we went for a walk at VDNKh to the museum of illusions, and at the first meeting we were very squeezed. I immediately liked Marina very much, and a year later she said that on the first date she was very disappointed. I turned out to be much younger than she imagined, she was looking for a serious man and was upset. Then she said: if we met right away, most likely, the relationship would not have worked out. That period when we bonded emotionally helped strengthen the relationship, and I got a second chance at a date. We continued to meet, a relationship began, which a year later led to a happy marriage.
Elena, 27 years old. "In Moscow - the only way. With such a tight schedule, this is the most convenient" I sat on dating sites with breaks. I especially didn’t believe that it was possible to find someone on the Internet, and was just looking for entertainment. The guys met different. Of the 400 who wrote, a maximum of 20 answered. Of these, I met with 4-5, and of them one could be married. More often than not, on the first date, they seemed normal, and with further communication, "cockroaches" began to emerge. There were many curious cases: a married man was given a laxative by his wife before the date. But there were also very good guys - I introduced one of them to my friend.
At some point, I met my future husband. At first I didn't like him - he seemed like an ordinary guy. In addition, it soon became clear that he was married and had a child. When I saw his passport, we almost parted, but he explained that they had not lived together for 1.5 years. He began to visit me every day at work, and after three months we began to live together. A month later he divorced and a year later we got married.
