According to statistics, there are more women than men in the Yaroslavl region. In the rating of “lonely cities” we are in one of the first places: for 13 women, we have 10 men.
Someone is trying to find a soul mate on dating sites on the Internet, someone prefers live contact. Why we have so many single people and what you need to know to be happy, we asked the organizer of dating parties Ulyana Chistyakova.
Why isn't it scary?
Olga Savicheva, AiF-Yaroslavl: Ulyana, how did you come up with the idea to organize dating parties?
Ulyana Chistyakova: This thought came to me in 2013. At that time I was on parental leave. Such a long vacation, and I got bored, I wanted some kind of activities, events, and also - to do something useful … So I came up with the idea of organizing a dating party.
I invited all the bachelors and free girlfriends I knew to the first party. Everything went quite successfully, it was possible to collect almost 20 people. The participants immediately advised me to continue this work, but make additions to the organization. I took into account their comments: since then we have had drinks and chocolates on our tables.
The biggest challenge was to convince people to take part in such a project that was necessary and useful for them. Many are interested, but shy or openly afraid. I explain that it’s okay, but on the contrary, it’s very funny and romantic.
True, it happens that not all participants reach the cafe, someone changes his mind at the last moment. Now I'm recording more people, and that's not a problem. The popularity of our express dates has increased, they come on the advice of friends and acquaintances. Already not only couples are obtained thanks to our parties, but also families, and even children have already been born.
- So you can be called a modern matchmaker?
- I organize parties, not personal acquaintances. A matchmaker is the one who takes responsibility for finding the right spouse or spouse, and I gather people to meet and communicate. We arrange 10-12 dates in one evening, very productive!
What does laziness and pessimism have to do with it?
- What people themselves cannot find their soul mate, and they need someone's help?
- According to statistics, people often meet at work or with friends. But not all organizations can meet someone. Now, if everyday life does not imply the possibility of expanding the circle of acquaintances, then it is worth spending your free time more actively, participating in various projects: social events, events aimed at development, personal growth, and so on.
It is more difficult to arrange their personal life for busy people who have little free time.
Other reasons for loneliness are the laziness and pessimism of Yaroslavl residents: people complain, lament, scold the opposite sex, but they themselves do nothing.
Often, negative experience interferes with arranging personal life, and not even one's own, but friends, acquaintances or generally unknown men and women from the forums. It is much easier to scold than to act than to take responsibility for your life - to set a goal and make some effort.
- Before the revolution, marriages were concluded within one class. Is it relevant now?
- Now everything is much easier. There are no clear boundaries, criteria, people converge on common interests, on a similar level of development.
- Do you personally believe in true love?
- I believe. But I also know that you need to work on relationships, and not just rely on a lucky break.
And yet, do not confuse love and addiction. That's when they say: "I can't live without you!" - It is addiction. The best option is when it is good for one, but together it is even better, together you can create a lot.
What's the mistake?
- Have funny situations ever happened at your events?
- Once a brutal man of 36-38 years old, a martial arts coach, tall and muscular, came to a party. He sits down at a table with a fragile girl of about 25 years old and says: "That's it, get up, I've made up my mind, let's go!" The participant got scared. She sank into a chair and began to call me. And the man was terribly surprised why she reacted so, instead of being very happy. I did not understand that there was a mismatch of sympathies.
- Does it happen that the invited women or men surprise even you?
- Once I was surprised by the result of one participant: she was chosen by almost all men, despite the fact that she was quite ordinary in appearance, she did not stand out at all against the background of others. But the men asked about her after the party. Only later did I remember that at the end of each goodbye date, the girl gently shook hands with the participants and coquettishly looked into the eyes. Apparently, the young people could not resist. At our parties, you can try out various flirting tips and techniques.
- What mistakes do men make most often when they meet?
- Once I made a list of the most ridiculous questions that young people ask girls. Here's what happened: "Do you often go here?"; “Has it been alone?”; “What is the problem now - to find a man?”; "You will not tell me what the name of that participant is, she seems to be nothing."
The date lasts only seven minutes, during this time you do not need to conduct an interrogation with prejudice and tell why your previous relationship did not work out. Light casual conversation, a little humor, a smile. Try to find common interests, talk about movies, travel, sports. Do not complicate the conversation and do not strain the interlocutor.
It happens that you are not lucky the first time. We had one persistent participant several times, he attended 10 parties and still achieved his goal: my girlfriend became his chosen one, who, after much persuasion, came to the party.
- Which clients are the most difficult?
- Strongly and deeply interested not only in the project, but also in me personally, in my life, in my affairs.
Who to love first?
- In your opinion, what family is able to survive all everyday difficulties and not fall apart?
- I am firmly convinced that not all relationships have to be fought for, preserved. And I, of course, have my own view of the family. I believe that people should be suitable for each other, in addition to falling in love, there should be other feelings - respect, admiration, interest. Also important are general views on life, family, future, a similar sense of humor.
Another important point: you need to be most satisfied with yourself, be a happy or almost happy person. Build relationships not out of scarcity, but out of abundance. When you want to share love, care with a person, and not walk with a broken heart and look into your eyes in search of a refuge from problems. Sages correctly say that you need to change your thoughts, everything starts with them.
Be a more positive, kind, interesting person. It is very important for a girl to love herself, and a man to be proud of his actions and achievements.
- Do you believe in fate?
- I really like the stories of acquaintances, when I brought people together and for the rest of their lives some trifle: they got stuck in the elevator together, they made a wrong phone number, the wheel of the car was flat, there were places on the train nearby. I am surprised that sometimes it doesn’t take much time to understand that this is your person: we met and two weeks later began to live together … Although I’m still against the rush, because the candy-bouquet period, the time of romantic dates, is so wonderful.
I believe in destiny and that by our actions we can change it. I myself am a happy woman.