Fake Marriage. Why Do I Need A Stamp In My Passport?

Fake Marriage. Why Do I Need A Stamp In My Passport?
Fake Marriage. Why Do I Need A Stamp In My Passport?

Video: Fake Marriage. Why Do I Need A Stamp In My Passport?

Video: Fake Marriage. Why Do I Need A Stamp In My Passport?
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Civil marriage is a very popular form of relationship today. At the same time, according to opinion polls, almost all men living in such a marriage consider themselves bachelors, while the majority of women are married. What prevents common-law spouses from becoming husband and wife for real? How important is passport stamp really? What is the main disadvantage of civil marriages?

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"AiF-Prikamye" talked about this with Elena Khokhlova, a medical psychologist at the Perm Regional Psychotherapeutic Consultative and Diagnostic Center.

Without obligations

Vera Shuvaeva, "AiF-Prikamye": Elena Viktorovna, people lived in a civil marriage before. But now the number of these unions in comparison, say, with Soviet times is much larger. Affected by changes in society?

Elena Khokhlova: Yes, everything has become much freer. And it is now easier to rent a house, and there are no trade unions at work, which until recently condemned a woman if she lived with a man without being his legal wife. Today society takes it calmly. Before the wedding, people want to get to know each other better, to understand whether they are compatible not only sexually, but also in everyday life - why not?

- That is, in your opinion, a civil marriage as a kind of rehearsal for a future family is necessary?

- In mine - no. I do not condemn these marriages, but I am not a supporter of them either.

- How then can people get to know each other better?

- Communicate, meet. There must be some period of romance in the relationship. And everyday life is already in real family life.

It is a pity that such a subject as "Psychology and the Foundations of Family Life" is not taught in schools now. And parents rarely talk about this with their children. But they surround them with everything they need, everything for them, and sometimes they do it for them. As a result, young people enter adulthood little prepared for it. And in general, very childish. After all, it is precisely the absence of obligations to each other that young people consider the main advantage of civil marriages. In such a relationship, at any moment you can say: “Why do I owe something? And who are you to me such (or such)? " Something went wrong - he took his things and went back to his mother.

- Unfortunately, they break up, and quite often, and official marriages. Today more than 75% of people who get married get divorced. So, maybe those are right who say: it doesn't matter whether the relationship is registered or not, the main thing is that we are together and everything is fine with us?

- God grant that it will be good in the future. But do not forget that in a civil marriage, people not only do not owe each other anything, but are not legally connected in any way. And if they decide to disperse, having lived together even for several years, then it will be very, very difficult to deal with the acquired property, loans and other things. A child born in such a marriage is also completely unprotected. Yes, the father, after parting with his mother, can assign the baby to himself, help financially. But this is exclusively his good will, decency, and not a requirement of the law.

Already unbearable to marry

- Children with common-law spouses appear much less often than in families. Isn't that why unregistered relationships break up even more often than registered ones?

- The absence or presence of children has nothing to do with it. If a man and a woman decide not to live together anymore, if their life values are different, then neither the child nor the stamp in the passport will save the situation. And yet to put this stamp, all women and girls want to get married. Well, if not 100%, then 98. They agree to a civil marriage only because they hope that sooner or later an official one will follow.

- White dress, wedding, honeymoon …

- For some, especially young people, the desire to be a bride, to feel admiring glances on oneself really overshadows everything. There are other arguments as well. Recently, for example, a student visited me. She lives with a boyfriend, has known each other for three months, and is already going to marry him. She says a friend went out and began to receive some kind of supplement to the scholarship. She also wants a bigger scholarship. But basically, of course, to legitimize the relationship, women are pushed by the uncertainty of the situation in a civil marriage. I want to be not a friend, not a cohabitant, but a wife.

- Is the status itself important?

- For many, yes, it is very important. I say this again from work experience. When another wife comes to me in a pre-divorce state, I always feel her strongest nervousness. Why, it would seem? After all, they no longer live with their husband, he has had his own life for a long time, she has her own. All that remains is to add a divorce stamp to the passport. But, obviously, the status of a wife makes you feel more confident. Even in such a situation.

- For men, these magical seals seem to have no such meaning?

- It all depends on the specific person. There are men who are also burdened by the uncertainty that is present in a civil marriage. Wanting stability, confidence and not wanting, what is important, to lose his woman, such a man quickly leads her to the registry office. However, most of the stronger sex consider a civil marriage as an ideal option: both the beloved is near, and the freedom that they value so much is preserved.

He is the head, she is the heart

- Some couples live in a civil marriage for a month or two and scatter. Others are together for 5-10 years and all cannot reach the registry office. Is there, in your opinion, some optimal term for this relationship?

- My grandparents have lived all their lives without registering. Happy life. They brought up six children. True, their civil marriage has always been a skeleton in our family in the closet. We, grandchildren, found out about this only after their death. To be honest, I was shocked: was it really impossible to find time to get married in a lifetime ?!

And the optimal period is nine months. Yes, nine! Just as a woman carries her unborn child for nine months, gets used to it, adapts to it, so a relationship is a fruit that needs to be borne. Each of us has our own habits and ideas about living together, something will inevitably not coincide. But if during this time people understand that their partner's habits do not irritate them, that they are ready to forgive him, for example, unwashed dishes or scattered things, then there is no point in delaying official registration.

- Give advice: how to push a man to her? Moreover, they say he is the head, the woman is the neck.

- Not true. He is the head and she is the heart. The heart does not rest either day or night. Such is the work of women, girls - every minute, every second. A woman should be able to listen and hear her partner. To be weak so that he wants to protect her. Always carry warmth. But at the same time, she should not completely dissolve in her beloved, deliberately do something to please him. She liked him the way she was, not yet knowing him. So you have to be yourself.

In fact, the decision to register the marriage must be made by him. Although it is worth, of course, to help him with this.

- How?

- Softly, unobtrusively. To talk, as if between how many, about the pros and cons of civil marriages. Often cite happy families of friends and acquaintances as an example. To make him think: why not really create a full-fledged family? Why doesn't he continue his lineage and this woman does not become the mother of his children? After all, otherwise, you can lose all the good that is between them.

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