Why does a woman play with intimacy and how it can turn out for her, says columnist Maria Bogdanchikova. How much energy we spend on women's "tricks"! How to tell a man that you want a new iPhone / get married / on a trip (choose yours) so that he will definitely agree? Because we were very impatient!
"If you loved me, you would buy me a fur coat, not make me freeze."
A subtle entry to beg for a fur coat, right? Here they are, the three ingredients of female deceit: pushing for pity, making ourselves a victim, and instilling guilt in a man. Millions of Russian women would be praised for wisdom. But no, friend. You are not smart, you are a manipulator.
Manipulation is a form of psychological pressure on a partner to achieve their hidden intentions. The weaker sex has several favorite methods of "controlling" a man, among which, for example, tears and hysteria.
Often, "wise" women control their partner's will and decisions through sex. Sometimes you also do it unconsciously. For example, after a fight, you pout your lips and deny intimacy because he upset you (instead of talking openly and honestly about your problems). And when the “guilty” brings a bouquet, then in the form of encouragement you give yourself to him on the table, so that he remembers what “sweets” are given for correctly executed commands.
Are you manipulating? Get ready for the passion to leave your relationship.
Thus, from a game that brings a feeling of intimacy and pleasure, sex turns into humiliating accounting "you are me - I am for you." In addition, "training" changes the format of your relationship: the man is no longer the hero-lover, which he used to feel, but the guilty child, whose behavior is corrected by manipulation. What do you think this is fraught with? Hint: you don't sleep with moms! And they also dream to quickly escape from under their control into the sensual embrace of their mistress.
“Using sex as a lever of control, offering tenderness only in exchange for a fur coat or a ring, a woman runs the risk of waiting for a categorical refusal of these caresses from her partner,” says family psychotherapist Inna Khamitova. - When in a couple the main thing becomes not sex, but power, it seems to the man that the woman controls him. Defending himself, he does not want to obey and refuses sex altogether.
When you tell a man that you don’t want him because he didn’t take out the trash, didn’t give flowers or didn’t take him to Gelendzhik, he feels like an insignificant weakling. A powerful blow to self-esteem. Do you need it? You think that if you ask for a fur coat directly (without psychic blackmail), he will refuse you. I know it’s scary and unbearable to hear “no”. But it is not at all a fact that he will refuse. On the day I wrote the column, I did a little experiment: I told my man that I needed a new purple mascara, because only it emphasizes my green eyes. “The courier is downstairs, could you pay? - Of course, how much money to transfer? Magic! I didn't have to be sophisticated and persuaded - I just voiced my need to him.
State directly that you need a new mobile phone, a fifth bag, or that you will only marry him - how important it is for you. Be willing to negotiate and compromise if your opinions differ. If you get a refusal, ask why "no", and work with his arguments. The basis of relationships is honesty and openness, not the feminine cunning that we so finished poor men with.
Sex should be treated easier. You shouldn't turn it into an object of bargaining or manipulation. They need to be dealt with from the heart and with pleasure, and not only in the hope of getting the coveted diamond ring.