CHISINAU, 13 Aug - Sputnik. Family psychologist Roman Kryuchkov notes that an equal number of representatives of both sexes who are faced with a partner's infidelity turn to him for advice. This practice suggests that women cheat at least as often as men.
“When they say that representatives of the stronger sex change a lot, a reasonable question arises: with whom do they do it? Not with themselves or with the same woman,” Kryuchkov says, Sputnik Belarus reports.
Both women and men cheat. But everyone, of course, is hiding it.
There are unspoken, unwritten rules according to which a man is allowed to change partners, as this is "a sign of a real male." It is important for this to demonstrate oneself as a person of high potential in a sexual sense. But if a woman does the same, then she will be censured.
“In many ways, the reason for this phenomenon lies in the fact that sexual needs have been taboo for a long time. And even despite the fact that there was a sexual revolution, we still have some echoes of the past,” notes Roman Vladimirovich.
Cheating has no gender, the specialist believes, because most often it is caused by the same reason.
"I would not divide betrayal into male and female. People just do it. In general, they decide to take such a step for various reasons, but most can be combined into a separate cluster and give it the name" Unsatisfied Expectations, "says Roman Vladimirovich.
It's not just about sexual expectations. This is emotional closeness, and the general cultural level, and upbringing.
“For example, it happens that a person who has certain psychological problems at the initial stage of the relationship hides them and demonstrates attractive behavior for the partner in order to create a relationship. Then they relax, showing themselves in all their glory. As a result, the partner has a feeling of disappointed expectations about the character of the beloved, "says the psychologist.
If we talk about typical female reasons, then the most common examples are the following. The wife was tired of living with the "right" unemotional husband, and she wanted a "spark". Or she may show signs of aging and her self-esteem has dropped. By cheating, she proved to herself that she is attractive to other men. In some cases, women go to the left, thinking that they have not lived enough for themselves and have not walked up.
"There are those who marry a serious person who is able to take care of the family and provide. When a woman realizes that this task has been solved, she has a desire to find another man - already for the soul. Nobody canceled the accidental betrayal that can happen. at a corporate party, "the interlocutor continues.
What is betrayal
To avoid such situations, it is better to build relationships without haste, which, however, does not guarantee loyalty, but gives time to choose. At the initial stage, the interlocutor advises, partners can simply maintain sexual relations in order to understand how they suit each other.
"Sex is an important part of interpersonal relations between a man and a woman. It usually starts with it and it often ends with it. That is, the relationship may not go further if there is incompatibility. For example, unwillingness to experiment and constriction. This can also include the problems of sexual and physiological character, when people do not want to work with a sexologist, "- said Kryuchkov.
Further, in such a relationship, partners make a decision: to remain on friendly terms and part or build a serious relationship.
“In my opinion, one can speak of treason and betrayal only when a couple has already established relationships, they have children, and in this regard they rely on each other. Interestingly, this concept is defined in Dahl's dictionary, in military terms.” Treason - going over to the side of the enemy, when the gates are opened to the enemy under cover of night, "the specialist notes.
How to be
Few are ready to take responsibility for their betrayal. Therefore, both men and women readily hide behind myths. The first say to their wives, they say, this is all frivolous, but they only love them. Or they say that this is just physiology, because all men are polygamous. But in fact, a person does not want to deal with the problem and change something.
Another common situation is when a representative of the stronger sex, having gone to the left and feeling a strong sense of guilt, comes to his wife to confess.
“This speaks of the infantile organization of the personality. It became hard for the husband, he came to his wife and became mentally unloaded,” explains Roman Vladimirovich.
Those who are faced with treason have many ways out, the specialist notes. You can go to break the relationship, deliver an ultimatum to the traitor, or blame the partner for everything. But the most effective, according to Kryuchkov, method for partners is to seek advice from a family psychologist to try to understand how they came to this.