Someone prefers to overcome crises, and someone, in case of any problem, mentally (and often actually) makes a route to the registry office for divorce.
The famous football player Yuri Zhirkov and his wife Inna are the type of people who are not only not afraid of difficulties, but also use them for the good of relationships. Mother of three children, owner of the atelier-brand Inna Zhirkova dedicated her new column at Letidor to this very thing.
In my opinion, the topic of family crises is very interesting, acute and always relevant. Almost every family is faced with what to play with. The difference is only in the scale of the disaster and in how the couple copes with the difficulties (or not).
No matter how naive it may sound, I have a clear feeling: if there is love in a couple, if people are not indifferent to each other and are treated with respect, then everything can be experienced. As a result, as practice shows, in such couples the relationship becomes even stronger.
Yura and I have been together for over 10 years. But I can honestly say that there were no global problems in our family.
Someone will exclaim that this does not happen and will reproach me for guile. But I hasten to assure the skeptics that it happens! In my opinion, women's wisdom helps to survive any family crisis. Unless, of course, your man left the family or fell in love with another.
I know how to listen to my man - this is the first and very important rule of strong relationships.
Secondly, I am able to forgive and do not pay attention to the words spoken in my direction on emotions. Of course, this is not always pleasant. But at such moments, I do not focus and do not hide resentment. Resentment in general devastates us, which in turn leads to even greater problems in the family!
I don't often hear the word “I'm sorry” from my husband, but I always see when he feels guilty.
By the way, I'm not one of those girls who are used to the fact that a man should make amends for any quarrel. Thank God this story is not about us.
I am convinced that the family problem should not be “regulated” with gifts, “not bought” its solution or forgiveness, but talk! Do not hide in yourself what is boiling. Always talk to each other in private!
This is what Yura and I do when there are minor scandals and misunderstandings. For myself, I came up with the following thing that helps me a lot. When I understand that I can't get my thoughts across to my spouse (and often men just don't hear us or don't want to do this), I take my phone and write him a SMM, where I put everything on the shelves. And, you know, it really works! Well, at least with Yura for sure. My husband is modest, does not speak his tongue idle. And this, in my opinion, is a very important quality in a man.
Someone would suggest that the secret of our family is that Yura is constantly absent from home. To be honest, I don’t know how much it helps us. We simply never lived differently. But I can say that when we get together with the whole family - this is unreal happiness!
When we have family problems, we try to change the environment, exhale, go somewhere together.
And it doesn't have to be some expensive resort. We can go to the park for a walk, to the cinema for a funny comedy, to the museum, or just walk around the city center. We often get together with the kids and go for a ride on the rides. At such moments, grievances are forgotten, problems dissolve.
We have never consulted a family psychologist, but if a situation arises in our family in which we ourselves cannot figure it out, then we will definitely turn to a specialist. I don't see anything terrible in this!
The reconciliation in our couple is most often the one who is smarter and wiser in a particular situation.
By the way, no matter how ridiculous it may sound, but more often men discuss problems with friends than we do with girls. Yes, yes, believe me! I can also share a situation with close friends, but I never ask for advice. This is my life, my relationship, and only I know how I need to act in a particular situation, or fix something. As they say, only 20% will hear you, and 80% don't care about your difficulties.
Photo: Alla Korzh
Read other columns by Inna Zhirkova:
Yura and I do not want our children to grow up in majors
My husband is not the most romantic person in the world, and I accepted it.
Many are surprised that we want a fourth child.
Everyone thinks that my husband's salary falls on my card, and I immediately run to boutiques
Let's be friends on social networks! Subscribe to us on Facebook, VKontakte and Odnoklassniki!