After a divorce, many of us are confident that any man can betray. Therefore, we are even afraid to think about a new marriage. This is how many divorced women live. Let's analyze the doubts and fears that we face after breaking up.
All men are traitors. Is not it so?
Likewise, all women are bitches. Is not it so? No comment here. Just an echo of resentment. The echo will be silenced if you let it sound. We must speak out and cry.
If a person has changed once, he will probably change again.
First, each person has many different, even contradictory qualities. Secondly. A person can change. Jerome Klapka wrote about this in the wonderful story "Python". I, in turn, have my own evidence. I'll tell you about one client. This man honestly admitted that in his first marriage he cheated right and left. When I married a second time, I felt very guilty for past sins. So much so that when faced with the betrayal of his wife, in principle he did not pay her in the same coin: "Because I gave myself and the heavens a promise that I will not change any more!"
I've been cheated on so many times … I only attract traitors?
There is something in this thought. Only, rather, you attract not traitors, but betrayal as an action. I'll try to explain. Let's say you meet a man of high moral standards, sincere and honest. Who is responsible for everything. He is ready for the difficulties of living together, he expects to courageously overcome them. Work on relationships. This is how he lives, this is how he feels. And you are skeptical about his beliefs, because you already have a sad experience. And you are sure that this is the only reality, the rest is illusion. It is this thought that you broadcast to the chosen one. Maybe not even directly, but in context. Reservations, details. Even if he starts arguing with you, your main argument is: “Don't tell me fairy tales! I have experience!" And at one point, the chosen one begins to believe you. What is the conclusion here? Only one: the betrayal that happened in the past is a misfortune for which there were reasons and from which you learned the lessons. This will not happen again in your life. Not because there will be no more close relationship. But because you already know how to take care of them. And this is exactly what you expect from your beloved.
How can I change myself and trust a man again?
You have read the previous point. Are you ready to give your man a chance? You just have to admit that he can be loyal and honest. And a step on the part of a man is to earn your trust. If you think you deserve it in the difficult times of life, then you are wrong. Trust is deserved every day. In small steps. I called and explained where and with whom he was staying. He suggested spending the weekend together. Took responsibility for an important decision. In the dispute, he mentioned that he wants to understand you. But you never know the words that, being spoken by chance, make the picture of the world clearer?
Trust is working together. Sometimes a woman thinks that after the words: "Show me that I can trust you" a man is obliged to move mountains. This is the position of being selfish. From this position, the family will suffer no less than from the dishonesty of the man. Either way, the experience of divorce is a useful baggage. A school of life that will help you become happy in a new family if you learn the right lessons.
There is no happiness in life! All ashes
If you think so a few months after the divorce, it's definitely time to see a psychologist. Depression is around the corner. If this word does not scare you, then perhaps a warning will have a greater effect: with such thoughts, you can turn into an eternally displeased aunt. Of those who spend all their time abusing life, youth and the fate of the villainess. Pull yourself together! Your life is not over. This is the stage. Birth is also a difficult stage, but you went through it and were still born! So you deserve to be happy. We must start creating it. Grain a day, and start today.